An expert explains why the TikTok ick list trend could be ruining your relationship
Don’t listen to Love Is Blind – ick lists are bad!
It’s basically a canon event to get the ick at some point in your dating life – your partner or crush suddenly changes from this perfect person to just a regular Joe. They can be pretty funny, even though they’re usually the smallest of things that set you off. However, an expert has warned against the TikTok ick list trend, saying that it actually has really damaging effects on relationships.
The trend has even made its way into the seventh season of Love Is Blind, where contestant Hannah wrote an ick list about her fiancée. Ouch!
@lizbadass
Maybe it’s a sign of the times that the dating scene is truly and utterly screwed, but icks are actually ruining our perception of love. Thanks to TikTok, we all have insanely low attention spans anyway, but now one tiny little thing will make us throw away a whole relationship? Jesper Jensen from ExpertsEnAmour has explained that pointing out your partner’s flaws, especially in front of the whole world, “could be much more damaging than you realise.”
Why are ick lists damaging to relationships?
Yes, maybe your partner ties their shoes in a funny way, opens crisps upside down, or runs with a backpack on, but is that really the breaking point for you? Jesper pointed out: “At first glance, sharing what annoys you might seem like an opportunity to bond over your quirks, but what often happens is that the relationship takes on a critical tone. When we focus on each other’s flaws, no matter how small, we begin to lose sight of the qualities that made us fall in love in the first place. This constant nitpicking can lead to feelings of resentment and can damage the open, positive communication needed for a healthy relationship.”
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It sounds like pointing out these icks can have a big effect on our relationships without even subconsciously meaning to. Many couples “struggle to regain intimacy once they’ve established a habit of criticism.” Broadcasting icks “inadvertently creates a dynamic where your partner feels under attack.”
How do you deal with getting the ick in a healthy way?
@elliotslade Wont catch me fumbling the baddie during the big one #CapCut #earthquake #newyork #fyp #funny #meme
♬ Earthquake / ground noise / ground sound / gogogogo / shaking(1094334) – staindgla22
Instead of airing it all out in public, Jesper encouraged couples to “focus on fostering a supportive environment.” Instead, you should try “shifting the focus” to appreciation instead of criticism, and “saving sensitive discussions for private moments.”
The expert suggested trying a new approach instead of indulging in the TikTok ick list: “If there is something that genuinely bothers you, choose the right time to talk about it – privately and without judgement. Start the conversation by acknowledging the things you love and appreciate about your partner. Then, calmly and respectfully bring up what’s bothering you. This way, you’re creating a safe space for honesty without making your partner feel attacked.”
Instead of an ick list, make a love list
Jesper said instead of making a list of icks, you should focus on the positives about your relationship and make a love list. “One couple I worked with replaced the ‘ick list’ with a ‘love list’. Every week, they would share three things they loved about each other – from the way one partner always made them coffee in the morning, to how they always found a way to make each other laugh. It helped them work through annoyances more easily because they felt secure in the relationship,” He explained.
It’s time to stop getting the ick!
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In the end, it’s important to have balance in a relationship, and to know when to call things out. Acknowledging the bad is important, but so is celebrating the good. Jesper left us with the secret to long-lasting love, which is “recognising” these icks in a kind way, and “remembering why you chose your partner in the first place.” And for goodness sake, don’t break up over a tiny ick, unless you think you’re brave enough to take on the dating apps again.
Related articles recommended by this author:
• Inside the TikTok October theory: Why the most dramatic plot twists will happen this month
• Men are sharing their dating icks on Reddit and it proves why women always choose the bear
• Age gaps and cheating claims: Inside Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher’s marriage
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