Ranking all the ridiculous talent show performances from the Love Island 2024 cast

I actually completely forgot about the existence of the Love Island talent show. Somehow. I don’t know how I managed it when there are so many laughs that come from it literally every year, but I just completely had blocked it out. How pleasantly surprised I was last night to see we were back in business, with the usual bunch of absolute disasters! What a time to be alive. Here’s all the talent show performances from the Love Island 2024 cast, ranked from worst to best.

12. Sean

Via ITV

The collective groan when he clobbered out the villa with sweets could be heard across the globe.

11. Joey

Boo, tomato, tomato. Not a laugh in sight. Whitney and Ty kicking their feet and giggling as their crown remains unsnatched.

10. Ayo

Really bored shitless of the Love Island producers forcing it so hard to make an Islander do a shit instrument performance in the hopes of recapturing the Millie and Indiyah glory – the 2024 talent show casualty is Ayo. Just let it die.

9. Josh

Via ITV

Sure, I’d gobble the crepe or the waffle. I actually think this was direct inspiration for the dream I had last night, where I went up to a fella at a crepe stand and said “sorry, can I have some Nutella and Milky Bar bits on this?” and he said I had to pay for it and I said well, yeah. Charged me £3.35 and then I waited hours for it. Weird dream. Thanks Josh.

Not a talent by the way. But better than the others because I didn’t groan.

8. Jess

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Yes, painting is a talent. But not the way Jess does it. At least she’s a likeable laugh! More than can be said for half of the villa.

7. Reuben

In terms of sheer harrowing and haunting factor, this is the most cursed and worst out of all the Love Island 2024 talent show performances. It is the Glee club stuff of nightmares – a theatre kid tsunami of ick that would have me running for the hills. Just evil. And yet, there were five somehow worse than it. Because at least I can applaud the corny balls of Reuben to get up and do this nonsense.

6. Ciaran

Via ITV

Like a giddy scene at the primary school sports day. Bless him.

5. Grace

Love Grace, actually. I’d do some yoga with her. Sure! Not sure how good this actually was but she looked amazing.

4. Nicole

It was very those girls from your high school who decide to do a street dance for everyone in the end of year party assembly. The kind where the teachers raise their eyebrows and wish they hadn’t okayed it. Nostalgic for me.

3. Mimii

Via ITV

Sort of not really good enough to get a big reaction but still quite decent. Like, she’s not really a good enough singer to be doing all that and it was pitchy and flat. But still… quite nice? It’s weird to do singing and not be good enough to truly wow and then not be bad enough to play it for laughs. I liked the group sing song vibes, though!

2. Matilda

I love a novelty! Sorry! This is funny! And weird! Didn’t expect it and was thoroughly entertained by such nonsense.

1. Jessy

Via ITV

Erm OKAY Cirque Du Soleil! Where the hell did this come from!? No clue, but love it. An actual talent! Like watching an amazing RuPaul’s Drag Race runway. Have to wow. Jessy ate everyone up.

For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.  

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