The rugby boy and the group chat obsessor: 18 types of people to avoid this Freshers’ Week

When you go to uni and move into halls, you get shoved into a flat with randomly assigned strangers and you panic that you have to make best friends with them straight away and that they’ll be your friendship group for your entire time at uni. For some that might be the case. But look, there are thousands of new people starting uni this year and that means there are so many other people to get to know or, more importantly, to avoid.

Uni, and especially Freshers’ Week, goes by so quickly in a drunken haze so you don’t want to be wasting your time with people that are not the vibe. There are specific types of people that you need to stay away from at all costs during Freshers’ Week if you want to have a decent time.

So here are all the people to avoid during Freshers’ Week if you actually want to have a decent time:

And, if you get stuck in a flat with any of these people, run and do NOT sign a contract for a second-year house with them in October because you will hate them by Christmas.

The person who talks too much in the group chat

Listen, if you’re about to move to uni and are worrying about not having spoken in your course group chat or accommodation group chat, you will be absolutely fine. Pre-uni group chats are a weird place and not everyone is as odd as they seem in them when you actually get to uni. But in Freshers’ Week, you need to avoid the people who natter on and on in the group chats, they’re talking in them rather than to their friends for a reason.

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I don’t mean just messaging your friends from back home but actually any of your friends from home who are going to the same uni as you. Having a friend from home can be comforting when you first move to uni and don’t know anyone but it genuinely can really impact on your ability to make friends in Freshers’ Week. Stay away from them, make your own friends in Freshers’ and meet up with them the week after. You’ll both then have made friends you can introduce to each other. Cute.

The one that won’t stop talking about their gap yah

One of the most important people to avoid in Freshers’ Week is the gap yah girlie or guy. We get it, you went travelling, bought some linen trousers, patted an elephant and it changed your life. You’re now too good for the halls of Birmingham because you’ve seen the world and discovered yourself. Avoid this person like the plague because if they’re brought it up seven times in one pres, they’re not going to shut up about it for the rest of the year.

The devil’s advocate

This is someone who will absolutely plague your seminars throughout uni, but the one’s trying their absolute hardest to bring up a controversial opinion and play devil’s advocate when you’re literally just in an induction seminar playing ice breaker games are the worst kinds of people to exist. They’ll use their fun fact to explain their opinion on why Andrew Tate is actually good and interrupt you when you’re just trying to tell everyone the name of your crusty white dog.

Any club promoter

Another genre of people you need to avoid in Freshers’ Week is the club promoter. Don’t be drawn in with the promises of free Jägerbombs these people will NEVER leave you alone once you say yes to one event or reply to a message. Do not be fooled!

Anyone who brings their boyfriend or girlfriend to every Freshers’ event

If a flatmate brings their boyfriend or girlfriend from back home to every single Freshers’ event, you know that you’ve inadvertently signed up for an extra flatmate. You’ll get daggers from the boyfriend if you even say hello and ask where your new flatmate is from or what they’re studying. Either that or you’ll have to endure hours of moaning when all they talk about is how much they miss their partner. You’ll be in the kitchen morbidly hungover just trying to make a Pot Noodle and you’ll be cornered into being their therapist for two hours as they weep about doing long distance. You need to keep your own distance from them.

The rugby boy in general

Just got to get the record straight from the outset. Avoid rugby boys like the plague. Especially in Freshers’ Week.

A fourth year that still goes to Freshers’ events to get with the freshers

Kind of linked to the previous one because it is predominantly slimy rugby boys that do this but people in their fourth or even fifth year of uni, doing a masters or retaken a few years, who still go to Freshers’ club nights. Also known as sharks, these people buy Freshers’ wristbands for the sole purpose of pretending they’re 18 again, meeting freshers and shagging them. It’s icky, stay away.

The person who starts chants on the bus to the club

The most silly fresh thing I’ve ever seen is starting chants on the bus on the way to the club. If you’re sat next to someone that starts shouting: “There were four on the back seat of the bus” you need to get up and make it three because it’s the same energy as clapping when the plane ends.

The boy who takes their top off at Freshers’ Week events

The same type of person who starts chants on the bus, the minute someone whips off their Represent t-shirt and swings it around to Sweet Caroline or Mr Brightside at the SU club you need to remove them from your life. One of the top people to avoid in Freshers’ Week.

Posh people who pretend to be working class

This seems to be a massive issue at uni, and even more so in Freshers’ Week, where people are trying to appear relatable and working class when in reality they didn’t even get a student loan because mummy and daddy are paying for all their accommodation AND tuition. But they’ll still make you send them 32p for the kitchen roll they bought and live off pesto pasta to seem all edgy. It’s grim and don’t be mates with them.

The person already in the library

So this might be the person that’s sending you the seminar notes when you miss your Thursday 9am after sports night but please get out of the library in Freshers’ Week, I beg. Second and third years already hate them and you don’t want to join the club. They’ll send a “gentle reminder” to the group chat about the noise during the first night of pres because they want to be in the library by 7am the next day.

The complainer

The person in the library in Freshers’ might very well also be the complainer. You know, the people that walk into a room and immediately just suck up all the fun? Freshers’ Week is literally just about the vibes and having a good time so if they have something to complain about in Freshers’ then just imagine what they’re going to be like for the rest of the year. Like, it’s 10pm and and we’re literally just chatting in the kitchen. Best for them to find their own first-week library friends and let them be.

The lanyard wearers

Don’t be spotted at Freshers’ Fair with a lanyard wearer, you’ll never live it down. Just because you’re not wearing one it doesn’t matter, it’s the association. This is not sixth form. Either rip it off their necks or run away, the choice is yours.

And the school leavers hoodie wearers

Now if someone is wearing a school lanyard AND a leaver’s hoodie it’s a giant ick. Bonus points if it’s bright purple or blue and even more so if it’s to show they went to a really posh school and they are outraged you’ve never heard of it.These people will later move into only wearing sports team merch from a society like Quidditch so keep an eye on how they evolve and get as far away from them as possible.

The guy with DJ decks

Unless you want your ears absolutely chewed off, keep the DJ decks boy at an arm’s length. For one, they’ll keep you up until 6 am every night playing the most god-awful DnB tracks you’ve ever had the misfortune of hearing but you will also never be able to play what you want at pres. Say farewell to ABBA because you’ll only be allowed to listen to obscure Swedish DnB from his shitty decks.

Oxbridge rejects

Pretty hard if you’re at Durham, but keep away from the Oxbridge rejects in Freshers’ Week. Obviously you can’t help it if you applied, got rejected and moved on from it. BUT if the very first thing they tell you is that they should be at Oxford right now but missed out by one mark on their Physics A-Level, then just know that they think they are immediately better than you and will make that known. One to be avoided.

The baby

No life skills, no common sense and let’s be honest, they’ve probably never been drunk before. Most flats have a baby who needs babysitting and guaranteed you’ll be holding their hair back after literally three VKs at 11pm. No one wants to be babysitting in Freshers’ when you could be having a good time so the baby is not one you want to be making all of your plans with.

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