You’re a hoe if you do any of these things, according to the men of the internet

I’m just gonna say it: dudes on the internet are totally out of control. When they’re not trying to move into our DMs, sending us dick pic Snaps, or refusing to leave us alone until we block them, they’re sitting on Twitter calling us hoes.

Back in my day, the only thing that would get you called a hoe was actual hoe-ing around (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But now, you’re a hoe for committing any single unforgivable offense that might include (but is definitely not limited to): having friends, owning a cell phone, going to college, or breathing air.

We’re all hoes, and we’re all in it together. Here’s the list of our #hoecrimes:

Apparently not-freezing temperatures is for THOTS ONLY

https://twitter.com/Ry_Bizzo/status/848325471926353921

And so are these balloons, smh

https://twitter.com/TukayMusic/status/841367717374443521

Maybe I’m both? 

If you use a dog filter regularly to hide 25% of your face you are either a hoe or someone with a putrid malformed nose.

— cactus (@grubsofficial) January 21, 2017

Men have a LOT of feelings about the dog filter

https://twitter.com/kyleravenscroft/status/839444917868953601

Dog face filter=hoe

— c. eagle (@jaylind27) February 8, 2017

Also Boomerangs for some reason? Hoes only?

https://twitter.com/Jake_Schnack/status/844414598728028162

You're probably a hoe if you constantly use the Boomerang option on your Instagram stories

— Zach Sedo (@Zach_Sedo55) March 17, 2017

Boomerangs really are the dog filters of insta stories

— Josh Kaplan (@_jkaplan) April 4, 2017

https://twitter.com/ianalberson13/status/849030189736763392

If you’re a woman of average height, YOU A THOT

https://twitter.com/Flex_Offender/status/826432732313980928

if your height 5'3'' you a thot

— Colon Hole (@Dash5hall) January 16, 2017

And if you have any kind of curated social media presence, you’re a big ol’ hoe

https://twitter.com/HoeItsRoCuervo/status/849649103013384193

Using Twitter makes you a hoe, regardless of maternal status

Every girl from here on and out is a certified hoe to me until proven otherwise . 😂😂😂 I don't care if she married with three kids. You a hoe

— P.Rice (@Coach_Pat6) March 26, 2017

Using Snapchat frequently places you firmly into HOE territory, say all these dudes

https://twitter.com/_BenLynch_/status/846027203766898688

https://twitter.com/kareemf123/status/846013701329211395

if she has over 30 snap streaks she a hoe

— C (@chloegagliano) March 26, 2017

If you’re NOT having sex, sorryyyyy but you’re still a hoe

https://twitter.com/RossGee_/status/846003479831334912

Girls, we’ve gotta want more for ourselves. We can’t be out here in college like a common thot! Who raised us???

If she in college she a hoe 🤷🏽‍♂️

— Qu (@QuBands_) March 26, 2017

OK but literally everyone does this

https://twitter.com/xomnca/status/845859315873304576

For the first time in my life, I’m not craving a McChicken

https://twitter.com/TROLLGAWDD/status/845835165565890561

If she has male friends, SHE A HOE

https://twitter.com/tacobjegels/status/845449241426362368

If she wears makeup, you guessed it: HOE material

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If she puts on eyelashes she's a hoe

— P (@krispokreme) March 24, 2017

Shameka, Keisha, Tara, Shonda, Crystal, Daronda, Theresa, Felicia, Tenisha, Soibian, Monica, Monique, Christiiiina, Yolanda

If she can name every girl in Freek a Leek then she's a hoe

— 🏴‍☠️☄️ (@NoiSinEss) March 24, 2017

Using any non-standard Apple product is for THOTS, I’m never gonna let my daughter do this

https://twitter.com/Asyromatic/status/845348182062235648

Oddly specific?

https://twitter.com/MorryMakeItRain/status/845294746792853506

But…that’s literally what it’s for?

https://twitter.com/BrownMessiahh/status/845197020230922240

Every fashion blogger is a hoe

If she takes a video of her legs as she's walking….she a hoe.

— Gabriel (@FondleYourPahls) March 23, 2017

So are Drake fans

She a hoe if she knows all the words to passionfruit already.

— Adam (@GezusAdam) March 23, 2017

And people who enjoy Texas beaches

if she went to spi for spring break she's a hoe.

— 𝖂𝖊𝖘𝖙𝕿𝖎𝖑𝖑𝕸𝖞𝕯𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍 (@FaderHader) March 23, 2017

THIS IS EVERYONE

if she keeps her phone in her back pocket 90% chance she a hoe

— Novak (@Noveezy_) March 23, 2017

Guess I’ll just stuff these notebooks up my ass

If she carries a purse around school she a hoe 🤷🏻‍♂️

— fj (@cozyjong) March 23, 2017

A bet a fucking Gemini wrote these

if she bring up astrology she a hoe

— Roshi (@Big_Roshi) March 23, 2017

https://twitter.com/stetson_cunning/status/844738510984753152

Wrong, read receipts are for fuckboys

https://twitter.com/vinistaken/status/844821823443238912

Wyd???

If she use Facebook Messenger more than she texts…. she a hoe

— Chance (@T7Chance) March 23, 2017

It’s my name, not a golden penis

If she wears a necklace with her name on it, she a hoe

— Queen Kylie 👑 (@QueenKylieBri) March 23, 2017

I’m in between paychecks!!

https://twitter.com/ladyc24_/status/844703835511771136

Napping 4 SLUTS

If she takes hours to respond and responds with "sorry I fell asleep" she a hoe

— JOEY (@Joseph_Legend1) March 22, 2017

Fuck every single part of this tweet

https://twitter.com/FforFavian/status/844393265642323969

Guess I’ll go die.