‘If Trump wins I will…’: What Twitter promised this morning

It happened. Here’s some light relief.

People doubted Trump so much they promised to do some rather outlandish things. A tweet is by no means a binding contract, but you hope these people will be sticking to their word.

Someone’s gonna have a bad back

https://twitter.com/Jimzer111/status/791433151537115136

But at least it won’t be permanent

https://twitter.com/Perk_Perkins/status/790664556670513153

These could be the new dream catcher tattoo

https://twitter.com/jaceyschank/status/788915567650443264

https://twitter.com/NateAnnick/status/785300924088651777

Some new diet crazes are threatening to take over

If trump wins I'll shave my beard and eat it. I'll stream it live too

— CASINO CAVIAR (@Yamscasino) October 13, 2016

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Hedge fund bro Martin Shkreli teased music fans everywhere

If Trump wins, my entire unreleased music collection, including unheard Nirvana, Beatles, and of course, Wu-Tang, comes out, for free.

— Martin Shkreli (@MartinShkreli) October 27, 2016

And he’s a man of his word, talking us through his treasure trove, which apparently includes unreleased Kanye. Half one-man talk show, half musical braggadocio, this Periscope feed is a watershed moment in live streaming:

LIVE on #Periscope: Wu Tang https://t.co/dTE37vagWf

— Martin Shkreli (@MartinShkreli) November 9, 2016

Jokes aside, there’s nothing like good old-fashioned existential dread to put it all into perspective

https://twitter.com/jackmorridad/status/789177615101730818

Yea boy.