For the love of bouncers: The most misunderstood men in Newcastle

Matthew, a second year Durham student, doesn’t like bouncers. He says: “They take the law into their own hands “They think they’re big, they barely even lift. They couldn’t match me on the bench.”

And he’s not the only one. Bouncers in Newcastle have got a bad reputation – they’re famed for using unjust force and tuning people away “for no reason.”

Bouncers want you to believe they are arseholes – it makes their job easier when they have to be mean. They enjoy it when you get in a huff too. 

I felt the same until I began working in a club. Now, I want to shed some light on the fun side of bouncers – it’s a side you’ll only ever see if they are forced to stand next to you all evening. 

Tom knows my favourite dancemoves

At Cosmic Ballroom their favourite game is “pegging”. Each bouncer gets a different colour laundry peg, and has to attach them to each other and unsuspecting clubbers – without being caught.

Reactions range from offence, to amusement, to sheer bafflement. At the end of the night the pegs are tallied and the winner revealed. There have been competitions in which I saw one guy with 12 pegs along the back of his t-shirt. When one of them turns up with laundry pegs, it’s like Christmas come early.

A reconstruction of a pegging victim

Inside they stand on the balcony seeking out the revellers with the worst dance moves, before shining their torch on them for the amusement of them and those around them.

It’s cruel, but pretty funny nonetheless. Sure, I’ve been a victim of this game, but I’m not upset about it – it’s simplistic humour at it’s best. And they don’t discriminate – they’re happy to point out a good dancer too.

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Bouncers are renowned for their terrifying black leather gloves. Ask anyone, and they’d probably say they’re for keeping their hands clean when they throw a punch or so they can make that horrible squishy sound when they threaten people.

But when I asked one bouncer, Tom, he simply replied: “I don’t know where you’s lot have been. And I have bad circulation.”

Terrifying

The bouncers of Newcastle have some pretty strong views on us too. We’re constantly getting absolutely hammered and making dicks of ourselves.

One bouncer, Ross, said that: “Students have a superiority complex. I have had a student shout ‘let’s see where I am in 10 years mate’ before.”

Like teddy bears

And if you’re still not convinced Patrick Swayze was a bouncer in his 20s. Jorge Mario Bergoglio – the current pope – also donned leather gloves for a period of time before he was sworn in to lead the Catholic church.

My point is, yes, you do get shit bouncers, but you also get shit doctors, businessmen and athletes. Everyone thinks they’re arseholes, but have you ever been forced to man the doors of a club where a medic social is occuring? And that right there is the future of our health service.