Whether you’re Do the Right Thing or Broad City

‘It is the late-night carb snack that has satisfied Columbia students since time immemorial’

‘We can’t change our lifestyle because that’s just capitulating to terrorism’

In case you’ve been too busy studying or whatever

‘I literally have the urge to rip all her hair out’

‘We demand transparency. We demand guaranteed hearings.’

Do you think a part time job can pay for tuition?

‘I don’t know what Adderall is’

Which is still the lowest out of all the Ivies

From the top of Harlem to the bottom of Morningside and everything in between