A comprehensive list of the red flags about student life in Nottingham

From football boys at Crisis to rogue northerners in Hugh Stewart Hall

5 months ago | UPDATED 5 months ago

Red flags are typically used as warnings of danger, and although there isn’t much wrong with our beloved city of Nottingham, there are a fair few things to steer clear of if you want to protect your peace at uni. These red flags are everywhere the more you look for them: On campus, in halls, in Lenton and even in the clubs. Here is a comprehensive guide to everything worth avoiding on campus and beyond.

Boys in ties at Crisis

This one speaks for itself. These boys cannot be escaped. A typical night at Cerisis will always involve being swarmed by a gaggle of boys in their shirts and ties, ready to buy a lifetime supply of VKs from the bar. They are, undeniably, a walking red flag – even more so if they have a mullet and moustache.

Hugh Stewart residents

Hugh Stew is the Hogwarts of UoN. The residents are likely Oxbridge rejects whose family homes are no further north than Surrey and are typically found beefing between the superiority of Old or New block, or standing against the ancient brick wall sharing a cig and exclaiming “rah where’s my baccy?” They flock to formal dinners and can’t even make it past their main course for the sake of enjoying a few too many white wines. An even bigger red flag would be a northerner and this being your hall of choice.

The lighting in Hallward Library

There is nothing more demotivating than the dark and gloomy vibes of Hallward Library. Its only saving grace is the Starbucks, but only if you can beat the mile-long queue. A trip to the library is a staple of any student’s daily routine during exam season. I’d argue George Green is superior solely for the lack of fluorescent lights.

Cripps Hill

A short walk across UoN’s main campus could commonly be mistaken for a Duke of Edinburgh hike with the amount of hills a student would encounter. There is nothing worse than being five minutes late to a 9am so you result to power-walking up Cripps Hill, or any hill on campus for that matter, and arriving to your lecture a hot, sweaty mess.

Lenton house prices

A house in Lenton is essential to any student’s UoN experience. It is the place to be! The gossip is next level, all your friends are finally in one place and the house parties are legendary. But my experience is ruined by one thing only: The house prices. The cost of living crisis impacts us all, and student housing costs are only going up and up. We are having to choose between a weekly food shop at Lenton Lidl or a ticket to this week’s Crisis- and that’s a decision no one wants to make.

Random firework explosions

This time of the year, you always hear a few rogue fireworks, occasionally by families in the city, but commonly by careless students who want to impress their housemates with a killer display. However, nothing is more off-putting when trying to revise than hearing massive explosions throughout the streets of the triangle, ricocheting down Derby Road. Not quite the wholesome bonfire night celebration you wish for.

Girls that turn up to their 9ams looking completely flawless

If you turn up looking even somewhat presentable to a lecture first thing on a Monday morning, you are the envy of all students everywhere. These girls have a hidden superpower, and it is simply just looking flawless at all times. Their hair is always perfectly slicked back, their outfits are amazing and there is no sign of eyebags or dark circles whatsoever. Who are these women are what is their secret? Perhaps they have too much time on their hands, or they are just naturally flawless. Either way I am green with envy.