Forget ghosts, these are officially the scariest things a London student can encounter

Student life in London can toughen you up so much that you won’t even bat an eye at the horror movies, jump scares, and everything people seem to get a thrill out of for Halloween.

Oh, you thought creepy violin sounds at midnight in a cemetery is scary? Try seeing “???” on your essay feedback on a uni laptop while searching for the phone you haven’t seen since running past a crowd of tourists in Camden this morning.

And there’s so much more in London to chill the bones of students all year round. Read on for a list of some of the worst – we dare you.

Postgrads in campus bars

Thousands of freshers fall prey to the sinister company of Master’s and PhD students in student bars every year. These mature, distinguished individuals seem to have acquired a taste for troubling innocent little undergrads and haunting campus bars with the precious youth they’ve lost long ago.

Shoreditch Back Alleys

Anyone silly enough to wander drunk and alone down here is begging to have their phone stolen. But even more sober individuals can feel like an invisible hand (get it?) is reaching for their wallets as they speed walk down one of these dark East London alleyways.

Tip: Have some kind of weapon as part of your Halloween costume to turn the table on any mugging.

Finance bros – especially from LSE

These frightful creatures are most commonly found in packs of five or more, as they’re aware of how stupid they look alone with their less than original attires and personalities. Run for your life if you don’t want to hear them defend the Tories and explain derivatives for the whole of their prestigious programme before they all ascend to the soulless realm of investment banking.

They may not make it past the club queue, though, so you might be safe inside.

Five minute waits on the Underground

As the sinister underfunding of TfL continues, be prepared to see more of those blood-curdling delays and trains taking so long you may as well climb onto the tracks and crawl to the next stop.

Stupid card machines

The little white card machine is an unwanted visitor creeping slowly into every aspect of student life. Every soft swipe of your credit card on these despicable devices feels like deep cuts into your already non-existent budget.

Surprise £15 entry fees for the worst bar you’ve ever been to and an extra £10 for the cloakroom before the bar is now more common than ever, and even the buskers outside are now armed with these abominable machines.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Need Halloween movie night ideas? Check out these creepy vintage films shot in London

• Here are London’s top 10 spookiest spots to get you into the Halloween spirit

• On-campus cemeteries and cursed paintings: These are the most haunted unis in London