30 icks you’re guaranteed to get as an Exeter student before you graduate

With graduation approaching, now is the perfect time to reflect on your “Exetah” experience: the good, the bad and the icky. For your entertainment, I have collated 30 of the biggest Exeter icks into a choice list to remind you that however bad things may seem right now (ahem, diss students, I’m looking at you), they’ve definitely been worse.

1. Walking around the library and not being able to find a seat

This is number one for a reason; we’ve all been there but that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing.

2. Having your sandwich nicked by the seagulls before you’ve even had a mouthful

There is no way to experience this with dignity. That angry hoard of birds will unapologetically rob you of both your meal deal and your self-respect with no remorse.

3. Being stood behind an ex-housemate in the massive Marketplace queue

Seriously, out of all the people here the person you’re stood behind just has to be that weird bloke from your first year accommodation. Yuck.

4. Realising you and your mate have shagged the same person

There is no such thing as a “random get with” when in TP. No one is safe.

5. Your card getting declined at McDonald’s at the end of a night out

There’s really no coming back from this.

6. Doing laps of TP like a bewildered meerkat because you’ve lost your friends

I swear TP just swallows up your friends and spits them back out at the end of the night. The multi-storey concept is fun until it’s dark, you’re drunk, and it’s a Saturday. The only alternative is to send up a flare…and I don’t know what’s ickier.

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7. Running across the Henry’s traffic lights because you misjudged them

Occasionally taking this risk pays off, but most of the time you’ll be left awkwardly jogging across the junction like a real-life (running) ick.

8. Only drinking VKs all night

One or two VKs never did anyone any harm – but let’s be honest, they’ve never done much good either. Put the overpriced juice down… and try not to spill it on your white Urban Outfitters top like usual.

9. Going back to Marketplace a second time in one library sitting and being served by the same person

I don’t know about you, but my snacks get progressively more indulgent the longer I stay on campus, and that is a kind of spiral I don’t need witnesses to – let alone that same, poor Marketplace cashier.

10. Getting ignored at the bar despite desperately making eye contact with the bartender

I know you can see me. My Apple Pay is at the ready, I’m at the front of the line, please just put me out of my misery already. Get this girl a drink. Or three.

11. Ordering something with NORMAL milk at an indie café

Speaking of ordering drinks, there is no ickier answer to the question, “Oat milk?” than, “No thanks, normal is fine.”

12. Trying to leave PureGym but forgetting your code in front of a queue of people

The only thing worse than actually going to the gym is being forcibly stuck there because you can’t remember how to get out.

13. Hearing someone say “yah” unironically

Do you even need an explanation for this one?

14. Old Laf veterans only: coming out of the toilet and having to go to your room to wash your hands because first year accommodation sucks

I also refuse to expand on this one. Next.

15. Seeing one of your ex-shags posting ANYTHING on Overheard

This is one of the worst in my humble opinion. Overheard is a Facebook page pretty much dedicated to giving people the ick, whether you’re looking for a TP ticket, a coat or a housemate.

16. Paying more than five quid for a club ticket

On the topic of TP tickets, there’s not many things more off-putting than hearing that someone dropped a tenner on a 8:30 entry. No one is down that bad, son.

17. Going to Unit 1 on a Saturday

Unless of course you’re at Unit 1 on a Saturday. That might be down even worse, if that’s humanely possible.

18. Losing your coat on a night out and having to walk home in the freezing cold

Now this is the real walk of shame.

You wish your coat was this big…

19. People trying to talk on the way up Forum hill like they aren’t both out of breath

Honestly, I don’t know how people hold full conversations on the way up to the sports park. Halfway up and I’m seeing stars while searching frantically in my bag for an inhaler.

20. When you’ve been in the library so long your laptop starts to make *that noise*

Sorry, is there an aeroplane taking off in here? Oh no, that’s just my six month old laptop, don’t mind me. Technology these days…

21. Eating the nine inch sausage roll from marketplace in public

Extra ick points if you get the pastry all over yourself – they’re too crumbly for their own good.

22. When people ask where you live and it’s not Danes, Penny, or Monks Road

Please don’t make me explain my home address using Mount Pleasant like it’s a famous landmark.

23. Having to find housemates on Overheard

Been there, done that, and while the Facebook post itself is perhaps the most ick-worthy thing you’ll ever put on the internet, it’s worth the hassle when you actually have somewhere to live because of it.

24. People who think having a quick chop time is a personality trait

I can respect a good chop time, don’t get me wrong. But if it’s the only party trick you’ve got up your sleeve, it does make you somewhat of a one hit wonder. Please get a hobby – other than spilling overpriced lager down your polos, of course.

25. Trying to eat ANYTHING in the silent rooms in the library

I’m afraid there’s no stealthy way to eat your Popchips in the silent room, you just have to take the L on this one.

26. Still having to pull out a provisional driver’s licence as ID in third year

I give myself the ick pulling out that hideous green plastic card. It’s my number one motivation to pass my driving test (wish me luck).

27. Or worse, taking your passport on a night out

Now this is an ick if I’ve ever seen one. It’s even worse if you have to ask a mate to keep it in their bag for you so you don’t lose it (just like you lost your ID)…

28. Walking to pres in fancy dress by yourself

Ever walked down Sidwell St dressed as a minion on your ones? Not a good feeling and not a good look. Note to self: next time, bring a friend…

29. Being a Club ambassador (especially if it’s for Fever)

Extra ick if you’re a first year who posts it on their story every Thursday. There are better ways of becoming a BNOC my friend, I promise.

30. Perhaps the worst ick of them all, having matching white linen trousers with every single person in the city

Exeter students need a new uniform ASAP. I can’t spend this summer losing my friends in the sea of Tom’s Trunks – again.

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