Happy Halloween: Edinburgh students’ scariest Hinge stories

As summer comes to an end and the season changes, Edinburgh quickly becomes the best autumnal city. The grey rainy days, the leaves changing from green to orange, and the dimly lit cobblestone streets all create the perfect vibes for a good horror story. And what makes for the best horror stories, quite frankly, is Hinge.

The app can, of course, fulfil its purpose of matching someone with their “one true love” but most of the time it serves as the tenth circle of hell. If I were thrown into a trap from the Saw franchise and given the choice of death or going on a Hinge date, I’d ask Mr. Jigsaw to tell my family that I love them.

Unsurprisingly, I’m not the only one who feels this way – we asked Edi students for their top Hinge horror stories:

‘Someone tried a school shooting pickup line on me’

Wow. Okay, starting off strong. I have SO many questions. Why did they think that would work? What even was the pickup line? How did they come up with it? Just why?

‘Talked to a guy for a bit…he seemed nice then called me a baby mamma and curvy queen’

Men are so attractive until they open their mouths…

‘He was wearing skinny jeans’

Full body chills. I think it would be harder to survive a date with a man wearing skinny jeans than it would be to survive the opening scene of Scream.

‘Guy wanted me to use him “like a trampoline”. We had only just started talking’

What happened to hello? How are you? Where are you from? What do you like to do in your spare time?

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‘On our first in person date, the man literally got up and sprinted out the fire exit cause I said I was a feminist’

Honestly, I think you dodged a bullet on that one.

‘Date invited another match and asked us to compete. She’s out of the picture and we’re now friends’

This is SO insane. Did you go on a date with a supervillain??

‘I was hooking up with a lass from Hinge and there was an awkward silence so I barked ??’

Out of everything that you could have done in that moment, you chose to bark. I’m sure that this was a far scarier experience for the girl than it was for you.

‘Basically got kicked out of his apartment because I didn’t want to shag him (it was a first date)’

Yuck.

‘One time a guy matched with both me and my friend, then asked us for a threesome’

I need his confidence.

‘Went on a date with someone who after one date bought my favourite book, posted it on their story with my favourite song over it. ONE DATE. And when I said I didn’t want to keep seeing him he practically begged me to change my mind’

Girl, who did you go on a date with – Joe from You?

‘Wouldn’t stop talking about his ex from the first five minutes’

People will do anything except go to therapy.

‘Went on a date with two guys and they turned out to be brothers (it prompted a Hinge delete)’

Okay Elena Gilbert.

‘He robbed me’

Yikes.

‘Guy started asking for opinions on girls on his Hinge while I was still in his bed’

I think you should be eligible for financial reparations. I would’ve had to be locked up if this happened to me—whether that be in a prison or a mental institution, I’m unsure, but locked up nonetheless.

‘I rejected him – he replied with ‘reasons’ he disliked me and hit me up five days later to ask to be friends with benefits’

The audacity.

‘Told me he used to set his grandad’s trees on fire because he was a lonely only child’

See I’m not an only child so what would I know, but I feel like there are better ways to deal with loneliness. He should try journaling.

‘Went back to her room after a date and she showed me a dead bat and I cried’

A beyond valid reaction.

‘I had all of my flatmates call my friend who was on a Hinge date and then called her myself pretending to have a mental breakdown so she could leave the guy’s flat’

You should win an Oscar.

‘He had a loft bed’

New ick unlocked: imagining a guy jumping up onto his loft bed. Trust me, it works.

‘Hinge gave me a three month situationship which slowly drove me insane’

A three month situationship?

‘Matching with my cousin (unknowingly), arranging a date and then getting his Instagram and realising we have the same last name’

I am begging you guys to check your family trees before online dating.

‘My second cousin sent me a like fully forgetting who I was. Family reunions will be fun’

Wow. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that their cousin had liked them on Hinge, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice right?

‘Matched with four guys and saw them all together at Rascals the next week with someone I already got with’

Edinburgh surely cannot be this small of a city. Someone *has* to be plotting against you.

‘Seeing all my Hinge matches in Dropkicks’

An all too common experience for Edi students. If you don’t want to see someone from Hinge, avoid Dropkicks like the plague.

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