Veggie nuggets or doner kebab? Find out what your Jason Donervan order says about you

The clock strikes 1am on The Triangle and, after a long night of being packed like a sardine into the Brass Pig smoking area, it’s time for some scran. Out of the corner of your eye you spot Jasper from Wills calling you onto the U1. Shivers run down your spine, but you do consider it for a split second.

You pause, however, as the glistening red and white sign of Jason Donervan catches your eye. Obviously you queue up and gobble some medium sized cheesy chips whilst thanking god you didn’t go back home with your Wills hottie. Your Jason Donervan order is a defining trait, either receiving approval from JJ or getting side-eyed by your friendship group for your questionable decisions. So here’s what your Jason Donervan order says about you.

Nothing

You wouldn’t be caught dead at Jason’s post-Gravity because you are a city-centre warrior. You just aren’t like other girls: Pressure at Thekla is your religion and 90 per cent of your body is made up of Baldwin Street Wraps and Sirins. You’re too familiar with the trek down Park Street or TIER scooters humbling you (we miss you Voi).

Large doner kebab and chips

JJ has seen you more than your parents and your bank account gets violated every night whilst you wait aimlessly for the U1. The health and safety concerns of the deep-fried kebab lose any meaning after thinking about the sporty lad you almost went home with. One of these is far more likely than the other to put you on antibiotics. You’re consistently hungover but at least you have leftover garlic mayo chips to nurse you back to health.

Chicken doner wrap

You’re slightly more seasoned than the doner kebab raver. Despite yacking it in La Rocca’s toilets for two hours straight, you manage to make it back up the basement stairs. You somehow avoiding the relentless Lola Lo’s promoters offering you free shots and you arrive at the van and fall face-first into a chicken wrap.

Doner wrap

This is the classic diet of the sharks around Bristol, praying on the freshers rocking up to The Triangle for a night out. You give your best efforts to the girl looking for a lighter but get turned down for the fifth time that night when you make a fish face trying to go for a kiss. The small doner wrap is a waste, so you pay the extra £1.50 for the large because it’s bulking season.

Nuggets and chips

You are the hunter-gather of the friend group, stubbornly fighting long queues of feral hockey girls and football boys for some sustenance until your mates feast on your nuggets like vultures, leaving you with only your curry-covered chips to keep you sustained. This feast is best enjoyed while sitting by the Victoria Rooms, watching the U1 and Ubers filled with silly fresh rush off past.

Half chicken burger

You are the liability of the group. Running around feral in the club, scamming people out of Jägerbombs, and leaving your mates confused about how you’ve ended up going back to a guy’s accom in Newport, or worse yet, Hillside Woodside. You end up crying your eyes out when you drop half your burger on the ground mid-debrief.

Halloumi wrap with chips

This is the closest you’ll get to vegetarian representation at Jason’s. Vegetarianism on a night out is hell as everyone stuffs their faces with greasy kebabs, but with enough mayo and salt in the world, you make it work. You are the biggest Eat-A-Pitta merchant and will be abusing your student loan every day to avoid the extortionate Senate falafel bowl.

Cheesy chips with EVERYTHING

The pure club rat meal: You could engulf this and be up for another hour of pop at Lizard Lounge as you struggle to dance without pushing anyone over. After your divine cheesy chips with every sauce known to man, you rally the group for afters at yours until you get a noise complaint that could cost you an arm, a leg and the entire human body.

Bonus round: Payment method

No matter what you order, if you pay in cash JJ will love you forever, perhaps even going to far as to call you “my friend”.

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