A ranking of all The Traitors challenges from snooze fest to Diane’s funeral level iconic

Charlie’s ‘FOR BRISTOL’ redeemed most of these tbh

3 months ago

Society has evolved past the need for the challenges on The Traitors. They are the worst part of what is otherwise a PERFECT show. They are the ideal time to check Twitter for all the memes, go to the loo or make yourself a cup of tea. Just give us an extra 20 minutes of Harry backstabbing literally anyone in sight and leave us in peace, I beg.

I think maybe the funniest thing about The Traitors is that no one is watching it and saying "omg I need to watch The Challenge now!"

— Bitter Jurors (@BitterJurorsPod) January 19, 2024

No one switches on The Traitors to see some random blokes swimming in a lake. Having said that, some challenges are a lot better than others and if every single one was as cinematic as Diane’s funeral I would be seated so hard.

So here is every silly little challenge they make them do on The Traitors ranked from snooze fest to Diane’s funeral level iconic:

10. The very first water shield challenge

The way we were seated so hard for this year’s season only for them to whip this out in the very first episode. Remember how pissed they were all getting at people for taking the shields in this too as if they wouldn’t do the exact same thing if they had a chance?

Our gone-to-soon queen Sonja slayed hard in this though I have to say.

9. The crossbow challenge

Nah because why did this one feel like it went on FOREVER?? You mean to tell me we missed 20 minutes of Jaz doing his best Jazatha Christie sleuthing for THIS?

I don’t need to see Paul bossing everyone about how to fire a crossbow at some dodgy stained glass windows that look like they belong in the Rovers Return. And WHY did Mollie cry over a shield??

8. The water obstacle course

Snooze fest but I do sneakily wanna try it. Gave Total Wipeout energy but not in a good way. I actually think I’d clear that in six seconds flat but in reality I’d be doing a Miles and falling at the very first platform.

This one really gave BBC Raven vibes and was the perfect time for a loo break tbh.

7. The I’m a Celeb knockoff

What in the Bushtucker trial was this then?? They really thought they did something with this one but it was just way way too much on the senses. The arguing about the lights just pissed me off. I already fancy Ross, I didn’t need to see him covered in rotten fruit to give me the ick!

Harry grabbing the shield did kickstart his master plan to prove he was faithful though so I’ll give it that.

6. The riddle challenge

This one’s at number six purely for the fact that it made me feel like The Beast from The Chase when I got the riddles right. Tell me why swinging around in those nets actually looks kinda fun too. I want a go!

The pure rage I felt when Zack went into the trap holding the bag of money. Fuming. This was the start of Andrew’s redemption arc too. Previously been way way too boring but he brought the dollar home in this last night!

5. The scarecrow challenge

The scarecrow challenge from episode three takes the number five spot purely for it leading to poor Brian’s meltdown at the round table later on in the episode after he was ranked the biggest sheep. “Either I am or I am’nt” is engrained in my mind forever.

This one gains extra points for the Claud scarecrow x

4. The bird noise challenge

Initially a quite forgettable challenge but on a second watch, some of the bird noises coming out of that lot were absolutely insane.

The basic premise of this was half of them had to run about in the woods to find bird noises and then recreate the noises to the people in the castle via walkie talkie who then had to find the bird with that noise in the house. Bit of a snooze challenge but did make me chuckle a little.

3. The grave-digging challenge

DIANE’S GAZELLE RUN. Her little ginger bob bobbing up and down as she frolicked through the graves! Give it an Oscar!!

This one was one of two grave-based challenges we’ve had this season and whilst obviously the worst of the two I enjoyed the spooky vibes. Did NOT enjoy Miles just barking orders at everyone and not actually getting involved. Shush.

2. The catapult ‘For BRISTOL’ challenge

The only reason the catapult challenge is number two on the list is purely for Charlie’s “THIS IS FOR BRISTOOOL” cheer as she fired the catapult. And everyone cheering running to hug her! I’m welling up just thinking about it.

But tell me why the rest of this was pure army propaganda?? Left this episode feeling like I was about to drop the day job and go dig a trench?

1. Diane’s state funeral

Queen Di’s state funeral will forever be my new Roman Empire. They really struck gold with this episode. Instead of making them do some silly CBBC or I’m a Celeb knockoff challenge, they honoured Mother in the best way with her very own funeral procession.

The choir? Chef’s kiss. Diane’s goodbye to her son? CINEMA. The whole thing was high camp and just a beautiful piece of television. More like this, please!

The first ten episodes of The Traitors UK season two are available on BBC iPlayer now. For more like this ranking of The Traitors challenges and the best music, reality TV and entertainment news, like Pop Culture Shrine on Facebook.