Every Kylie Minogue album’s second single, ranked from worst to best

Tension is well and truly coming. After a summer in which Padam Padam reigned seemingly indefinitely, last week Kylie Minogue dropped the second single – the title track – and it hit fans and critics with the same kind of oomph as the runaway hit that was the lead. When Padam Padam dropped, we ranked all the Kylie Minogue lead singles from worst to best. It feels only right to give all the Kylie Minogue second singles the exact same treatment. Here are all 15 of second singles by Kylie ranked, from Got to Be Certain to Tension!

15. If You Were With Me Now

The follow up to Word Is Out, Let’s Get To It’s lead. Honestly, just absolutely horrible. Sounds like it’s from a Disney film. Sickly, uninspired, random – hate everything about it.

14. Stop Me From Falling

We were in the trenches as Kylie fans for the entirety of the complete misfire of the Golden album era. Lead single Dancing, though, is pretty good. The only other song on that album worth noting, and what should have been the second single, is Raining Glitter. Instead we got Stop Me From Falling, a melodically irritating racket that sounds like it was produced in a tin can.

13. Wouldn’t Change a Thing

Oh we’re Stock Aitken Watermaning alright – but in a sort of nondescript, completely forgettable 80s fluff way. We’re all better than this!

12. Got to Be Certain

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We’re back with Stock Aitken and Waterman, but this time somebody kindly put 50p in them and they gave us a catchy little 80s banger that does a very important job – ensuring that Kylie wasn’t a one hit wonder and had staying power. Job well done, to be fair. Jail time should be served though for whoever styled and signed off on the harrowing cover art.

11. Magic

Obviously, as a huge fan of Kylie Minogue, I am not one of those who subscribe to the idea that her voice is too high pitched for extended periods of listening – but it’s on second singles like Magic where I understand exactly where those naysayers are coming from. Disco’s second single isn’t bad by any stretch of the imagination, great funk to it and a really catchy melody but her vocal performance here is shrill to say the least. The truly high bits are grating. If Kylie picked Real Groove, Disco might fair better when ranked amongst the other second singles.

10. Put Yourself In My Place

Okay, from here on in, I don’t have much to complain about. We’re cooking with gas, baby. Put Yourself In My Place has the unenviable task of following up Confide In Me, but this chic collaboration with Ronin does a solid job of proving Kylie Minogue wasn’t messing about on the album of the same name. The crackling noise at the start has echoes of Erotica by Madonna and the whole song has an effortlessly suave coolness to it that probably surprises more casual listeners.

9. Step Back In Time

Look, I know I rag on the Steps gay nonsense of Stock Aitken Waterman, but let’s face it: Points were made here. They popped all the way off when it came to Rhythm of Love – the Kylie ideology working in gorgeous tandem with the pop machine. If this song doesn’t get you out of bed in the morning then god help us all.

8. Did It Again

I could write 10,000 words on the underrated and masterful prowess of Impossible Princess. I could write 5000 of that just about the visuals, and how the album cover is the greatest in pop history. But I won’t. Instead I’ll tell you how fucking good Did It Again is – the indie little second single favoured by bands like the DMA’S and proving the queen of Australia is more versatile than even her fans give her credit for. Rock on, doll.

7. Tension

The follow up to Padam Padam swerves off any lyrical merit of any kind in favour of a Girls Aloud inspired hybrid song of three parts chucked together to fuse into a mammoth second single that blows the roof off. Once that chorus drops, you’re in it for life. Pure, sweaty, clubby filth that makes you pop your puss into next week. This is what it’s all about!

6. I Was Gonna Cancel

The only redeeming song from Kiss Me Once! Everyone say a big resounding thank you to Pharrell Williams for this effortlessly cool funky banger that pops all the way off even before Jasmine Masters and Kennedy Davenport lip synced to it on Drag Race. The slight sampling of Green Light by Beyoncé? I’m seated.

5. In My Arms

“How do you describe a feeling? I’ve only ever dreamt of this” Kylie Minogue declares on X’s sophomore single, a title which I always thought belong to Wow but apparently is not the case? The singles of X are all over the place – clearly Wow should have lead, and even more clearly should 2 Hearts not have even been on this album. But In My Arms is a wow, a wow of epic proportions – chic late 00s synth pop. X is the most Madonna of any Kylie record, with Madge stating Speakerphone as her fave Kylie song via her putting it in an iTunes playlist years ago. She’s have died to get her mits on In My Arms methinks.

4. Get Outta My Way

A force of pop euphoria from an excellent album. The follow up to Aphrodite’s All The Lovers, quite a restrained track in its pop prowess, comes this Stuart Price produced rammer that marches right to the dance floor. It’s begging for a local theatre company dance class to choreograph a box step high kicking routine to it in the campest of ways possible, and that’s the beauty of it. Of all Kylie Minogue’s second singles ranked here, this one really does the job of not quite being good enough to lead the album but changing the gearstick slightly and giving us a different taste of what’s in store. Chef’s kiss.

3. On a Night Like This

You know when that TikTok comedian released Planet Of The Bass this year? If he featured on On a Night Like This you’d hear the same song. A europop, dance classic that hits hard when you’re on a shite package holiday in Lanzarote and the sweat is dripping off your forehead in a bar and you’re considering sucking the waiter off. It’s that song.

2. Red Blooded Woman

It was really nice of Kylie Minogue to bless us with the greatest a woman has ever looked when she dropped the single artwork for Red Blooded Woman, a ferocious slice of sex that sets itself apart from the other second singles ranked here with pure animalistic flair. Channeling Britney Spears and Timbaland/lake era Nelly Furtado, she hums over the production like a blast of fresh air. When she references Dead Or Alive’s You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) it’s over for everyone. Now sat here imagining how much better my life would be if we ever got a Kylie X Pete Burns collab.

1. In Your Eyes

Listening to In Your Eyes is comparable to meeting a strange sexy witch who is casting the most hypnotic spell on you he has in her arsenal. To follow up Can’t Get You Out Of My Head is difficult, but In Your Eyes is a different kind of wow. A thumping dance pop classic that references Spinning Around subtly and cheekily but never cornily (something Madonna would be wise to learn from). The final chorus when she’s got the vocoder backing vocal adlibs? Just magic. Fever is her best album and she smashed it out the park on the singles front – perfect pop music

@harrisonjbrock

Kylie Minogue’s second singles ranked get you in the mood for more? Kylie releases her 16th studio album Tension on September 27th. For Virgin Media and O2 priority customers, there are 700 pairs of tickets available via a prize draw, with the show being held exclusively for Virgin Media broadband and O2 customers via Priority. The prize draw opens today (Thursday 1 September) and will close Thursday 14 September. Virgin Media and O2 customers can access the draw for the chance to win tickets via the Priority app or website.

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• The 50 greatest Kylie Minogue singles of all time, ranked