A load of Love Island 2023 predictions after week one you simply can’t prove wrong

Week one of Love Island is now complete, and I think we’re all pleasantly surprised at how good it’s actually been. Dare I say this has been one of the best first weeks the show has ever had? I think I do dare, actually. Very rarely does this show kick into gear until around the second week – but here characters are emerging, relationships feel investable and it’s obvious who’s likely going to be big players in the season to come. The main character girlies are being birthed, the bro boys are broing and so here are a load of Love Island 2023 predictions you simply cannot prove wrong.

The fan fave – Jess

Jess has spent this entire week proving exactly why she was my favourite from the moment she entered the villa. Down to earth, nice vibes, funny. You can’t help but root for her. She’s only going to get better. Liberty Poole energy!

Biggest fuck boy – Sammy

You thought I was going to say Zach didn’t you! DIDN’T YOU!? Well I’m suspicious of another, and it’s Sammy. His grafting voice is fuckboy toned of the highest order. An evil glint in his Essex eye. BE WARNED!

Most likely to invent a word we’ll all be saying – erm, no one! We’re over it x

I used to pick someone out here in previous seasons who would come up with a catchphrase that would enter our vernaculars for evermore. Sorry to inform you dear reader, but these days are over. Nobody can penetrate us anymore. Did any catchphrases emerge from the last two seasons? We quote “Liar, ACTREZZ!” and we quote “touched her tit or whatever” / “Awha” but that’s about it. It’s too good a Love Island predictions category to not commit one, but my mystic prediction here for 2023 is NONE.

Thinks she’s Ekin-Two – Molly

There can only be one Ekin-Su, but since the greatest Islander of all time debuted last year you best believe every year the producers at ITV are hoping for one of the girlies to be on the same level of cultural reset. Molly thinks she will be it, but I must inform Mrs Has-No-Inside-Voice that she is nothing of the sort. Kind of love her machiavellian chaos so far though. She’s got these lads on strings.

The actual Ekin-Two – Whitney

I mean… Look at the material! She’s giving us what we need. I’m seated for two months of laughs and icon behaviour.

The love of my life for next two months – Zachariah

That is my man. MY man. I could fix him.

Most likely to steal the 50k – Tyrique

This is a man who looks like he’s up to mischief at all seconds, minutes and hours of the day, Are you telling me he’s not pondering bagging the money and legging it? Be serious.

Most likely to get to the final – Jess

Back to Jess here, sorry. That’s my queen. We will defend her til she finds her man, and when she does, she will win. End of.

Most likely to switch it up at Casa – Zach / Tyrique / Molly / Whitney

A chaotic quadrant of absolute menaces here. I can’t decide. All of them will switch it up and all will cause turmoil. Mitchel will punch walls and cry.

Most likely to be the one who gets up and makes everyone a coffee to make sure they’re ready for the morning – Mehdi

Our fruity little Barb just loves brewing up for the girlies – I know it. And with that the Love Island predictions for 2023 come to a close. Time will only tell how accurate I am.

Love Island 2023 is on ITV2 and ITVX. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook. 

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