If you say any of these cursed abbreviations you need to reassess your life choices

Thanks to recent royal events, there are certain abbreviations that have become part of every day life: Platty joobs, statey funes— there’s nothing we, in this country of Shakespeare, won’t abbreviate. Tactical chunder (already slang) became tacky chun, which quickly became TC. We take it down to the nub until the original words are almost unrecognisable.

Mostly, these quirky little nicknames aren’t hurting anyone. But the day my boyfriend called Waitrose “Waitys” I decided enough was enough. The Americans are laughing at us.

So, here are the top ten most insufferable abbreviations in Britain. And if you say any of them, you need to seriously reassess your life choices. Soz (that one’s allowed).

1. Cozzie livs instead of cost of living crisis

Cost of living crisis is undeniably a mouthful. But cozzie livs is illegal. Phonetically, morally. Get in the bin.

2. Nervy B instead of nervous breakdown

This was definitely Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging’s fault. Honourable mention also to menty B instead of mental breakdown.

3. Genny lex instead of general election

Not another one.

4. San Miggy instead of San Miguel

I can deal with cigs instead of cigarettes but San Miggy for San Miguel is an evil step too far.

5. Holibobs

Nothing has bigger hun energy than this phrase. Is allowed if said sarcastically but a cardinal sin if sent in a work group chat x

6. Cocky T instead of cocktail

It’s easy to envision big groups of burnt Brits abroad yelling Cocky T at happy hour. This one’s so novel it’s not even on Urban dictionary.

7. Botty B instead of bottomless brunch

I’m starting to realise all the worst ones are actually drinking related. Botty B sounds sort of like a Victorian disease we all should have been vaccinated for by now.

8. Marly Gold instead of Marlboro Gold

Also works for Marly Light.

9. Arvo instead of afternoon

You probably also say ruggers instead of rugby and bring work acronyms like EOP (end of play) and Q1 into every day conversations.

10. Handy J instead of hand job

Please, when will the suffering end.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

● How to speak slang like a roadman, when you’re actually from a cul-de-sac 

● We asked Americans to guess whether slang meant ‘drunk’ or ‘sex’ and their answers were hilarious

● We asked non-Londoners to define London slang