Rishi Sunak speech

Here’s what Rishi Sunak actually had to say to young people in his first speech of 2023

No more dropping Nos canisters in the park x

When Rishi Sunak took to the podium in East London on Wednesday to give his first big speech of 2023 he made it clear he has five new rules and, just like Dua Lipa, he counted them: 1) halve inflation, 2) grow the economy to create better paid jobs, 3) make sure national debt is falling, 4) make NHS wait lists fall, 5) pass new laws to stop small boat migrant crossings.

He didn’t make it totally clear if he’d step down if, like the rest of us with our New Year’s resolutions, he flopped at the first commitment. “The British public will make their decision,” he said of his potential failure. “My job is to deliver on the priorities. That’s why I’ve made five promises. Five promises,” he reiterated (again). “Five things my government will focus relentlessly on to make a difference to people’s lives.”

As per, there were no details mentioned on just how long Rishi was giving himself to complete these goals or how he plans to achieve them. And, as always, he spoke at length about the future of the country without ever really addressing the young people whose lives this haphazardly designed future will effect.

So, to save you the frustration of sitting through half an hour of intense political rambling. Here are all of the things Rishi Sunak said in his first speech of 2023 that actually effect young people:

You’re all doing maths for absolutely ages

Just as the rumour mill informed us before Rishi’s speech even began, the PM wants everyone to study maths until they’re at least 18. Why? “We’re one of the few countries not to require our children to study some form of maths up to the age 18,” Rishi explained of his numeracy FOMO, adding that he wants everyone to have “confidence” with their finances, mortgages and savings rates. But, obv, number illiteracy is not the reason we’re all hiding from our bank balance:

There’s more to life than university, apparently

According to Rishi, “improving education is the closest thing to a silver bullet there is”. But, in his next breath he did a 180 and emphasised we aren’t a country that “sees university as the only option”. Instead, he wants to focus on more “technical education, lifelong learning, and apprenticeships”. But didn’t explain what he was going to do about all of the apprentices quitting their placements because, to put it simply, they’re crap.

No more dropping Nos canisters in the park

By Spring there’ll allegedly be 20,000 extra police “on the streets” to catch criminals that spray graffiti on war memorials and drop needles and Nos canisters in children’s playgrounds. They’ll also, according to Rishi, be tackling violence against women and girls, which isn’t particularly reassuring considering it was revealed in November that current vetting procedures haven’t stopped predators from becoming police officers.

Nurses won’t get the pay rise they’ve asked for

“I’ll give you anything you want, as long as it’s something I don’t want to give,” is what the US President tells the UK Prime Minister during negotiations in Love Actually. And it seems Rishi has been taking inspo from his festive film watching as he told reporters today that “the door is always open for dialogue” with striking unions but that the 19 per cent pay rise nurses have asked for is not within the realms of the reasonable.

No real mention of what he’s going to do about the train network being in absolute meltdown.

He expects the public to ‘send him packing’ if he fails

If Rishi’s promises don’t hit, he claimed “the British public will make their decision” about whether to send him packing like the last two leaders. So, in the spirit of transparency, you can write to the Prime Minister at [email protected] to see how he’s getting on with his five big claims.

Featured image credit via BBC News