How to lose a guy in 10 days: King’s College London edition

The season of romance is fast approaching, and there’s nothing like navigating your campus for the latest guy to obsess, delude and freak over, especially if you’ve seen a gorgeous academic weapon slaving away at the Maughan. Major respect.

But, as is with every dating scene, there’s always that one guy who will just not take the hint, no matter how many times you ghost their DMs. Need any ideas on how to lose a guy in 10 days? This time, it’s specifically for the Strand specimens who cannot understand the concept of ghosting.

Day one: Glaze LSE to its death

With being a student at King’s, the reminder of LSE’s presence is not only disrespectful but a straight turn-off.

Using this to your advantage, any guy would stay far enough away if you managed to slip in that current number one rank of LSE, or casually let it slip that there’s a nine per cent acceptance rate there. It’s so prestigious and so amazing that any Strand-loving guy would know to stay far away from your LSE-glazing self.

Day two: Leave him to cross Waterloo Bridge alone

via Tom Arthur on Creative Commons

For those students who have to make the devastating trek between Waterloo and Strand, they know that there is nothing worse than getting caught up in the mid-day commute traffic on the pavements.

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Any rational student would want someone to accompany them through such a challenge. Here’s where this can play right into your hands – next time he asks for you to come with, simply get on that Circle line from Temple, switch at Embankment, and you arrive at Waterloo free of both sweat and second-hand embarrassment.

Day three: Drag TFL at every opportunity

Don’t get me wrong, I’m as much a fan of TfL as the next person. But when someone makes delays and cancellations their entire personality, it’s suffocating.

So, if you absolutely cram every conversation you can with the delays on the Jubilee line, or getting stuck in the Kennington loop, that man should know to stay away.

Please, don’t make talking about five minute delays a personality trait, I beg.

Day four: Make him walk up Bush House stairs to test his commitment

via Stephen Richards on Creative Commons

Maybe get him to go to North Terrace and all the way back down. He’s probably gassed about getting in a bit of a leg day but at least you’ve got enough time to run to King’s Building before he gets back.

Day five: Correct his grammar in every message like it’s a Turnitin submission

Reading your feedback on Turnitin is one of the most anxiety inducing things students ever had to endure. It’s even worse if you realise that your proofreading wasn’t as thorough as you thought.

So, why not pass this anxiety onto someone else? Make sure that you slander his incorrect use of their, they’re and there, and make sure that he uses that apostrophe in “you’re”. You will become insufferable, which is exactly what we want.

Day six: Which bar did I meet you at?

This is a major generational aura loss for anyone. But if you “struggle” to distinguish between the guys you met at Scala, Dover Castle or Egg, there is no way that a man will want to associate with you. Maybe even throw in a Fabric shout, just for that extra layer of LSE embarrassment.

Day seven: Steal his varsity KCL fleece

Sports Night cannot g0 ahead without a group of lads wearing their respective fleeces with pride. No matter if it’s rugby, rowing, water polo or even lacrosse, they treasure those things with their life and soul. Just see what happens if you were to take it away. Just have a go. You’ll definitely never be seeing that guy again and you should probably expect a request for £50 in compensation, but at least you’ve gotten rid of him.

Day eight: Go to Somerset House for ice-skating and constantly slander his skills

Christmas at Somerset House is always a go-to for couples at the end of the year. There’s nothing more embarrassing than failing horrendously at ice-skating, especially if you spend most of the time grabbing onto the wall for dear life.

If you were to take him, you must insist on how you have to date someone who is balance and coordination inclined. This is more of an expensive tip, but at least you’ll leave a lasting impression as to how hard this guy is punching.

Day nine: Tell him that he radiates tourist energy

Students come to London to study and think that everyone who arrived after them is simply following the crowd. The god complexes that you see sometimes are wild!

Why not humble a man just a little and let him know that his outfit screams Oxford Circus “London” hoodie realness? Let him know that his behaviour radiates standing-on-the-left-side-of-the-escalator energy. A real London student would definitely take a hit, and this is exactly what we’re going for.

Day 10: Tell him that you see a future together, then disappear faster than a King’s student who is told to go to their 9am, especially on a Thursday

Sports Night always hits us pretty hard, especially if you end up waking up with face paint still on and a crooked pair of angel wings on your floor. However, what is worse is the false promise that you will 100 per cent go to your 9am. Everyone knows that you won’t, and I don’t really know why you keep lying to yourself. Maintain that energy and direct it to someone else. Tell him about that future you see, and simply just don’t follow up. Minimum energy = minimum effort!

Hopefully, this little set of tips will give you a hand in giving that one guy a hint. And if all of this fails, then tell him that you attend LSE.