Here’s where you should go on your year abroad based on your favourite cocktail

A year abroad is truly a one-of-a-kind experience. Exploring a new country’s views, culture, and experiencing student life without actually being a student. And a big part of the not-being-a-student life is drinking. We’ll find you counting your pennies at your host university’s Erasmus Student Network desk, lining up for events hours before the ticket office opens, while skipping every lesson on your timetable. Not to worry, it’s not like those classes actually matter.

Mimosa – Switzerland

First of all, why are you drinking like a divorced mum of two at brunch with her (also) divorcées friends? Anyway, if you insist on drinking like this, there is only one place you should be going abroad: Switzerland. Only someone who has champagne in their cocktail can afford to spend their year in the most expensive country in the world. Mimosas also give off that early-day energy, making you a perfect candidate to keep up with the Swiss life: drinking all night and waking up at six am for a thirty-mile hike.

Martini – USA (mainly New York)

Only the US could convince you to spend good money on what is, generously, two drops of gin. I see you putting up with the horrid taste only for the aesthetic, after specifically ordering a dry martini (what does that even mean?) for the pretence of being a big city girl who wears black stiletto heels to clubs and bars. There isn’t a better place than New York for you, then.

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We’ll hear you, for years and years after returning to jolly old England, talk about your magical life in New York and how different, meaning worse, life here is. You’ll return with a slight American accent, and the phrase ‘Back in New York’ will permanently live on your lips. 

Piña Colada – Spain

This has nothing to do with the name, and I’m talking about actual piña coladas, not Tesco’s own-brand pineapple juice mixed with discounted and possibly off-brand Malibu. Really, you can only have this drink while holidaying in a hot country, preferably by the sea, and the fact that you drink them in England is a crime.

You already know what your year abroad life is going to look like, filled with night-outs at different clubs each time, hanging out with locals who speak perfect English so you don’t actually have to speak a word of Spanish. Who knows, it might work out that way, but I doubt it. 

Long Island Ice Tea – Australia

While it may have originated in the US, to me this drink screams coastal Australian city. It could be the summer feeling surrounding this drink or the holiday connotations. You’ll spend your days tanning and trying to surf, loving the relaxed Australian life, which you’ll miss for many years to come, never realising that an actual working or student life there is very different. 

Maybe you could move to Clapham, join the Aussies of London, pretend you’re one of them, but deep down, you’ll know you’re a fraud, hiding the fact that really, you’re from Luton.   

Somaek – South Korea

Somaek, for the uncultured among us, is a cocktail made with beer, usually, and soju, a Korean drink similar to vodka (Koreans reading this please don’t kill me). And while it’s good, if you’re the only person in your group drinking that, you need to get over yourself, and stop trying to be cool and culturally aware. Please remember to treat Koreans like actual people while on your year abroad and not like specimens. Do not start a conversation with the phrases: “I love Kdramas” or “Do you know BTS?” Just be normal, or at least try. 

Moscow Mule – Estonia

You decided not to go to Russia for – well – obvious reasons, but hey this is similar right? Russian is spoken in Estonia, right? Honestly, I don’t know why you’re drinking Moscow mules of all things, but do us all a favour, and by all I especially mean the poor underpaid bartender that is on hour 16 of his shift listening to your nonsense, and order a vodka-coke. 

Daiquiri – La Réunion

Whether they’re banana, strawberry, or the less known variation known as Old Rose, daiquiris have this ability to mesmerise you with their vibrant colour, and make you forget exactly what you’re drinking and act like it’s only fruit juice. Suddenly, you’re home the next morning with a pounding headache and a faint memory of harassing a Corp bartender for their rainbow pin.

Essentially, it’s an alcoholic slushy, a faint aftertaste of burning liquor encourages you to take multiple sips, or rather gulps, at the time. Such an alluring drink, it’s a little different from what your friends have, and it is this attraction to striking on your own and to flashy appearances that leads you to spending your year abroad in a little island in the middle of the Indian ocean.

This will be your personality trait for the rest of your life. While all your coursemates stayed in Europe, you shipped yourself to truly the middle of nowhere, to a place that the moment you name it, someone will inevitably ask you “where the hell is that?”

But remember, appearances aren’t everything. You were promised an exciting year on a tropical island, one of your modules being a class in scuba diving. However, just as the strawberry daiquiri can trick you, enthralling you to embarrass yourself and your mates on a night-out, so can La Réunion. Suddenly, you are trapped on a tiny island, flights being too expensive to go anywhere else. All your friends are travelling and spending Christmas with their families, and you are stuck in your room combatting the scorching heat. 

Mojito – Peru

As the majority of cocktails seem to have originated in Latin America, it’s time for someone to actually head there for their year abroad. Mojito’s popularity is something that truly baffles me. The bitter aftertaste of rum isn’t masked with sweet fruits in this drink, but rather enhanced with lime juice and mint leaves. Might as well drink battery acid. Yet, this is your favourite drink. You act as if you have superior taste buds to be able to not only tolerate this strychnine like drink, but enjoy it. 

You want something different out of your year abroad, not just the continuous partying and the language immersion aspect, you want an adventure. The first thing you are doing when that plane lands is booking the next train to visit Machu Pichu. Altitude sickness? Not a thing someone as strong and resolute as you should worry about.