It’s settled: This is exactly what meal deal each of the England Euro 2024 squad would be

Pickford gives off big Monster Munch energy

4 months ago

It’s nice to see that all the chants screaming “It’s coming home” may actually have been onto something. Whether you’re normally a football fan or not, the Euros have probably kept you hooked this summer – you simply can’t escape it. You’ve probably spent more time talking about the games than you have with your family, and we can’t blame you, it feels like we practically know the boys now.

Whilst looking forward to the finals on Sunday, teeth clenched and palms sweaty, here’s a rundown of the Euro 2024 England squad as meal deals, to distract you from all the stress of waiting.

Jordan Pickford

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A post shared by Jordan Pickford (@jpickford1)

Breakfast Triple, Red Bull and a Monster Munch. Always a reliable option, but no one gets more miffed about actually having to do his job than Jordan Pickford. This meal can be hard work, it certainly keeps things interesting though.

Kieran Trippier

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Usual right back now playing on the left, Kieran Trippier reminds us of a no chicken Caesar salad, Cadbury Plant Based Vegan Chocolate Bar and Oat milk cold brew. It’s not exactly what it’s meant to be but, like Trippier, has adapted with the times.

Kyle Walker

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Considering Kyle Walker is one of the fastest on the pitch he would have to be a Lucozade Sport with Doritos Chilli Heatwave Crisps and Chicken Poppers. Both are sure to make a quick impact and heat things up.

John Stones

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Defender John Stones is someone you can always count on to have your back. Much like a chicken and bacon sandwich, Sensations and a Coke, a reliable choice.

Jude Bellingham

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A post shared by Jude Bellingham (@judebellingham)

Bellingham would embody a salmon and cream cheese sandwich, mango chunks and a Mango Tango – the meal deal of champions. Everyone loves these items, you can’t really complain when it comes to Jude Bellingham.

Declan Rice

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It only seems right to think of Declan Rice as sushi given that he is the main ingredient of the dish. California rolls, prawn cocktail crisps and a Diet Coke – just like Rice, this meal will hold you together.

Harry Kane

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Nothing says try hard like a garden salad, protein bar and fruit smoothie. England captain Harry Kane exemplifies what it is to go by the rulebook – a boring choice but it’s good for you.

Ollie Watkins

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Ollie is like a falafel wrap, fruit smoothie and KitKat. The vegan choice isn’t a bad start but ending strong with a KitKat makes the meal so much more enjoyable, kind of like a goal in the last minute.

Jarrod Bowen

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Family man West Ham player Jarrod could only be a cheese savoury sandwich, Skips and a blood orange fruit juice. He’s safe and underwhelming.

Bukayo Saka

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Bukayo Saka would be a BLT, Diet Coke and Boost, a classic top tier choice. Saka’s just got an infectious energy that would give anyone a boost, so he could be nothing else.

Phil Foden

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Foden is without a doubt a sweet chilli chicken wrap, a Coke and Twix bar. Solid choice and all staples that we love and can rely on.

Cole Palmer

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A post shared by Cole Jermaine Palmer (@colepalmer10)

Cole Palmer would have to be sparkling water, a scotch egg and a tuna mayo sandwich. Only he could pull off such a rogue selection. There’s just something about him that keeps us all talking.

Gareth Southgate

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It’s pretty well established that if England manager Gareth Southgate were to be a meal deal he’d be a ham sandwich, ready salted crisps and water. Much like this meal deal, Southgate has been around for a while, the most successful England manager to date, yet it would seem this is just down to luck. There’s nothing particularly special about this choice but it seems to work – how do they keep getting away with it?

Kobe Mainoo

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The youngest ever England player to play at the semifinals in a major tournament couldn’t be anything other than a Fruit Shoot, tomato pasta and Cheese Strings. The classic kid’s choice is very fitting for the 19-year-old. Always humbles me to realise how far someone so young has come.

Luke Shaw

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Chicken satay wrap, flavoured water and a pear. Boom.

Harry Maguire

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Old favourite Harry Maguire and a duck wrap just spring to mind when thinking of classics. It wouldn’t really be the England Team without him. And no meal deal would be complete without a Diet Coke and Maltesers either.

Jack Grealish

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We couldn’t do a rundown of all the Euro 2024 England squad meal deals and leave you out, Jack! Fan favourite Jack Grealish who didn’t quite make it onto the final squad, might be compared to Tesco Turkey & Trimmings sandwich. This along with cocktail sausages and chocolate milk don’t make an appearance every season, but everyone’s secretly happy when they do!

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