Sorry, but Stanley Cups are criminally ugly

We’re only in the first month of the year and, already, we’ve collectively lost our minds. Not over the state of our sociopolitical landscape or the fact the planet we live on is essentially on fire— but over a cup. Stanley Cups, specifically.

Why Stanley Cups (the Adventure Quencher Travel Tumbler, mainly) are suddenly generating fever-pitched hysteria is a struggle to follow. Grown adults are scrapping over Stanleys in supermarkets. Limited edition cups bought for $50 (£39) have been re-flogged for upwards of $29,000 (£22,790) on the re-sale site Stock X.

And if you take a second and step back from these bulging beakers for a second, you’ll realise: Stanley Cups are clapped. Criminally ugly. Monstrously oversized. Inconveniently humungous and deeply, deeply, unchic. It feels like everybody has drunk the cool aid from their heinously large vessels.

for a tumbler 😭😭😭 yall gotta be joking do you not have jobs???? pic.twitter.com/yZx5UmsFbv

— liv⸆⸉ (@rightnowtays) January 3, 2024

It may or may not shock you to learn that the man who’s responsible for promoting these reusable bottles from a 109-year-old company who specialise in camping gear into the hands of Gen Z women and the influencers they follow is the same bloke who hypnotised the world into wearing the universe’s ugliest shoes: Terence Reilly, Croc’s former chief marketing officer and Stanley’s president.

“My experience at Crocs told me that influencer opportunity was just the magic that Stanley might need,” Terence told CNBC Make It. “And we were right.”

With the power of TikTok trends, new colour ways and limited edition tumblers, Stanley Cups have become something you can collect and covet. Completely undermining the original purpose of the Stanley— to be reusable and only own one. The brand, then, is not just aesthetically ugly but ideologically ill-favoured too.

"is that-"

"the MEETI Snack Bowl for Stanley Cup, Reusable Snack Ring Compatible with Stanley Quencher H2.0 40OZ Tumbler with Handle, Cute Water Bottle Accessories in Cream? yeah, it is." pic.twitter.com/VhRwLjrA9n

— big beauty judy (@samwaltjones) January 4, 2024

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Because the Stanley add-ons (both legitimate and duped by Amazon) simply won’t stop coming— each one uglier than the last. There’s the Stanley snack bowl you can perch atop your tumbler for easy eating access; The Stanley attachable name tag to know which in the pile of rugged stainless steel is yours; The velcro Stanley accompanying pouch bag to fit your keys, lip gloss, card holder and hair band into when you’re off out into the wilderness of the gym or Sephora.

For some reason, from Hydro Flasks to Chilly’s, water bottles almost always generate a cult following. Because in 2024, let’s face it, what you drink out of says something about your overall vibe. “You don’t stampede in Target for a tumbler,” consumer insights expert Hannah Shamji told HuffPost. “What people are buying is a sense of belonging.”

i have one more stanley cup thought, and it's: in the absence of other creative outlets, consumerism ITSELF often becomes an avenue for self-expression. and… i think that's bad? obviously. but i also think it's a symptom, not the root problem. i also don't think it's new pic.twitter.com/OQoXlpFqvC

— mel 🤠 (@pagemelt) January 10, 2024

So when you stand in a queue with your next Stanley in your hand to purchase, have a small think about what exactly it is you want to belong to. There’s no style or substance in the Stanley universe. Only herd mentality, an endless rainbow of shades and your old Hydroflask lurking in the back of your kitchen cupboard.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Erm, people on TikTok are trying to cancel Stanley cups for apparently giving you wrinkles

• Stanley cup craze explained: Why everyone is going feral for a water bottle right now

• This is exactly what your emotional support water bottle says about your overall vibe

Featured image credit via Youtube/GQ