This is exactly what your emotional support water bottle says about your overall vibe

It’s 2024, which can only mean two things: You either replaced your water bottle over Christmas with a shiny new upgrade, or you’ve been gifted your very first one. Either way, it’s good news. If, like me, you’re a sucker for good hydration, you’ll have come to understand that water bottles aren’t just a hype and you’ll know just how important it is to find your perfect match. There’s a world of choice out there, accommodating everyone from the Lululemon girlies to the Y2K stans.

Or, perhaps you’ve just been sucked into the whole Stanley Quencher drama online and don’t have a clue why everyone’s obsessing over a cup. You can infer way too much about someone according to what bottle they religiously carry with them, so here’s exactly what your emotional support water bottle says about you as a person.

Lululemon

Anyone bopping about with a lululemon water bottle in the New Year is a certified girlie. You’re not swung by trends, you’ve established your style and you’re sticking with it. Your water bottle is an investment into yourself and you have at least two gym sets to compliment the accessory. That being said, you are undoubtedly a posh girl and don’t you know it. You’re organised, confident and a trend setter among your friends.

Chilly’s

Chilly’s bottles are undoubtedly outdated when it comes to what’s classed as “trendy” in the world of water bottles. The points they score for aesthetics are lost on practicality, and the large majority of Chilly’s bottle users only ever use them for image purposes. I mean, where are the larger size options? If a Chilly’s bottle is your emotional support water bottle of choice, you’re giving off vanilla girl energy and you definitely own a Jellycat or three.

Stanley Quencher

I don’t care what everyone says on TikTok – Stanley cups are not what they’re cracked up to be. Whether it’s because they’ve been adopted by the Sephora 10-year-olds or that they’re almost FIFTY POUNDS, they’re massively overrated. I admit, they look cute, are pretty practical, and actually quire durable… ok fine, you’re cool.

The standard flip straw top

These are the OG water bottles, before having a water bottle was even cool. Those of you still with these are both responsible and effortless – and have way too much patience to keep carrying them around even though they leak so badly. That being said, they’re inexpensive so it sort of serves you right. You’re unorganised and probably late to everything. Sort your life out and invest in something that will last until summer, for god’s sake.

CamelBak

You think you’re edgy and a little different, but actually you kind of are. If a CamelBak is your ride or die, you’re equal parts genius and while it might not be the trendiest bottle on the block, my is it handy. You’re probably a tomboy and love straight leg jeans. Hydration is no joke and you take your water intake seriously.

A protein shaker

You’re cheap and need to grow up.

The huge TikTok tanker

If you’ve been manipulated into buying this, I’m worried for you. No one, not even Bear Grylls needs a bottle this big. Those of you relying on this monster to get you through your day are unstable and obviously really strong. And you need banning from TikTok shop.

Love Island bottle

There is simply no excuse to be using a Love Island water bottle now we’re in 2024. Aside from the fact that they’re both cheap and characterless, they just have no rizz. It’s acceptable to use for the gym bottle, or even as a bottle you keep for the car. But as your emotional support water bottle? You can do better than that. If you’re using this day in, day out, you’re lacking in substance and Molly-Mae is your entire personality.

Unbranded hydroflask

I have mad respect for all you hydroflask users, with extra points given to owners of unbranded flasks. These are boujie but not obnoxious and are so handy. The size is a little awkward but if you’re committed to carrying one of these around with you, my guess is you no doubt own a diary and a mini white board for “planning”.

Crusty single use plastic bottle

You are the lowest of the low and need to seek medical help.

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