Here’s a rating of every item on Joe’s Bar’s £3 menu

Joe’s Bar is channeling its inner Eat Out to Help Out, and have brought out a £3 menu. Available to order every day during May from 3-5pm, Joe’s could really be the new meal deal.

Even after the uproar, family fallouts and extenuating circumstances that ensued following the news of the increase in price to the Tesco Meal Deal, we still commit to buying our meal deals like it’s our job. But can the new May Joe’s menu make old dogs learn new tricks? My friends and I tried every item on the menu and here is our review.

Chicken Nuggets and Chips

You can separate the wheat from the chaff, but you can’t separate the chicken from the chip. Same colour (beige) and the same flavour (beautiful). The chicken nugget and chip charcuterie board does what it says on the tin. It makes no pretences. She is what she is. She’s no gastropub silly business “gold encrusted, Jade-stone roller-battered poulet with pomme frites”. Quintessentially British. Synonymous with a can of Stella, a croquembouche of sausage rolls at a wedding, Jess Glynne at the Jingle Bell Ball and Wayne Lineker (a British icon.)

Rooster’s don’t need to shake. Dixy’s… Well ok they don’t either, let’s be honest. But at three quid a shake, maybe they should start to tremble.

Overall rating: 4/5

Sunny Vibes Salad

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The PR thought process behind this one: “what do young people like? Vibes! They love vibes!” And we need something to shove in front of the vegans. Bosh! Sunny Vibes Salad. When ordering this, I practiced my political right to free speech, asking for the ‘Sunny Salad’ and purposely letting the ‘Vibes’ punchline of the name fizzle into the distance. £3 for a salad may be cheap but you can’t put a price on dignity. I’m still recovering from ordering Berry Go Round smoothies.

Once you get past the initial shock factor of the salad dressing texture and the arctic temperatures of the salad leaves (that could make the tears fall down like the showers that are British), it’s good! The quinoa gives it a nice Middle Class bite, the rice is a fun addition and each forkful really sang for her supper.

Overall rating: 3.8/5

Chicken and Sweetcorn Quesadilla

Slightly sad looking with a few burnt ends, but she packed a punch. It’s what I imagine Liam Payne would embody if his fight with Tommy Fury didn’t turn out to be fake news. Flavoursome, steaming hot (the designated eater described eating the end of the quesadilla as entering a “hot pocket of hell in the best way possible”) and delish. If you enjoy a sweet and savoury extravaganza you will be all over this.

Trigger warning, the sauce is as tangy as the day it was born. Too tangy? That’s a loaded question. But to answer simply, yes. Great if you’re ravenous but intensely tangy as you start to fill up. What happened to Manny from Diary of a Wimpy Kid’s blanket Tingy? It grew up and became Tangy. My advice? The traffic light party of sauces helps to bring her out of her shell.

Overall rating: 3/5

Jacket Potato

Looks AND personality?! Unheard of until there was the humble jackpot. The jackpot really puts the complex in complex carbohydrate. Big plus, your one of every food group is covered: orange, brown and yellow! It’s giving sad beige baby core but if it was a Happy Bambi Fury. Absolute staple. If the jackpot was making its Love Island VT, it would describe itself in three words: Fun, Flirty and Filling. Beware, it is an extra pound more to get two toppings, but my bank account looks like this (stretched), so her potato topping can look like that. Tracy can I have a word? Have two! BOGOFF (Buy One Get One For Free aka one pound). Worth it. Would do again.

Overall rating: 4/5

Meatball Hoagie

Another name and shame sob story. If you can get past the name (what is a hoagie and why is it in my student union), then this meatball sub (renamed for the greater good) wins the number one place! An easy recommendation. Whilst the bun falls to pieces if you just look at her funny, for £3, find me a Tesco Meal Deal that will give you that much flavour on a Tuesday afternoon! Juicy peppers, a delicious tomato sauce and a cheeky side salad for extra crunch. Flavour sensation and set to be a permanent feature on the Joe’s menu by no time! Winner winner hoagie dinner.

Overall rating: 4.5/5

Overall, Joe’s £3 menu is steady competition for the humble Tesco meal deal. For 40p cheaper, you get slightly more flavour, an excuse to take a study break and sit in Joe’s, serenaded by a playlist that gives Magic FM a run for it’s money, and the ever-novel experience of seeing Joe’s in the day and not on a Wednesday Sports Night. Is the food absolutely 10/peng? No. But’s it’s generally pretty decent and for £3, it would be mean-spirited not to.

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