These eight things are guaranteed to happen on every night out in Norwich

Norwich, Norwich, Norwich. Beautiful Norwich? Quaint Norwich? No, you are sorely mistaken. Venture beyond Norwich castle and the beautiful cobbled high streets and you’ll find Prince of Wales Road. A filthy ecosystem of donner meat, chicken wings, cheesy chips, and questionable clubs. A wonderful and magical land where you will see the rare sighting of the uni students and locals reluctantly coming together to get drunk and dance a silly, silly dance.

From the outside looking in Norwich may be a city to confine to the bottom tiers of UK nightlife. But venture a little deeper and you will see, just how magical and messy a Norwich night out can be.Norwich has a fantastic array of clubs and bars, allow me to guide you through a classic night out. As a seasoned professional of the game, there are few sights that have alluded me thus far. Here are eight things that are absolutely guaranteed to happen on every night out in Norwich:

Getting trollied in The Mischief

Yes, this truly is the holy grail. Now you will have heard how fantastic The Mischief is from just about everyone. You will quickly get over your initial shock as you walk through the door, it’s perhaps not a 10/10 for looks, but its personality more than makes up for it. As far as Norwich pubs go this is shining beacon of local culture.

The guarantee of every Mischief trip is that you WILL get sauced beyond your ambition on skittle bombs and cheeky triples. But hey, what better way to start your night than chunning in the urinal at 11pm as a much older Norwich local unloads his Stella filled bladder next to your head?

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Meeting the elderly locals in ‘The Queen of Iceni’

A local’s favourite haunt, but if you are a uni student heading to The Waterfront, The Iceni is a no brainer. The one guarantee of every pre in this magnificent establishment is that your mate will garner some attention from a lady much older than yourselves. 

The Iceni is a wonderful and diverse location, but what sets it apart is the dance floor and DJ. An eclectic mix of characters come together to get drunk on cheap booze and cut some shapes. The interactions you have here will be odd, funny and perhaps uncomfortable, nevertheless it will provide great content for you and your mates to look back on and laugh about over the years to come.

Ordering a bucket in fluke

“They’re called fluckets actually.” Yes, I know, but I didn’t want to sound silly ordering a “flucket”.

Fluke is not a popular location, meaning it can officially gain “underrated” status. No one knows what music gets played there, but they have a photo booth and alcohol by the bucket load. Literally. You and your mates huddle round a flucket, straw in mouth, gulping down a colourful concoction of spirits like the thirsty alcohol craving goldfish you are before heading onwards. Short and sweet. A pit-stop if you will. But a great little addition not to be overlooked. 

Channelling your 14 year-old phase at Waterfront

An absolute classic venue for you Indie kids, you’re guaranteed to hear A-Punk at least three times in the night. It also has one of the most delightful smoking areas in Norwich with a beautiful view of the river. At Waterfront you are guaranteed to see some of the worst dance moves ever, amplified ten fold in the emo room upstairs, but it’s all part of the charm and fun. Everyone looks at the guy to their left thinking “he’s making a bigger fool of himself than I am” as you in turn descend into head-banging gothic emo madness at the assurance that everyone else is slightly more into it than you are.

Queueing, karaoke and aeroplane photos at Loft

Loft is elite and unfortunately everyone nowadays knows it. Forget pres, you have to be queuing up 12 hours before the place opens to ensure you get in. It’s a Thursday! Fantastic! Today, there is karaoke; you and your mates put your names down to do Love Story by Taylor Swift, the DJ is astounded by your cultured music taste and fast tracks your names up the list past the group of girls who are attempting to butcher their fifth tune of the evening. You guys deliver your best vocal performance to date, make use of the fantastic drinks deals and dance the night away in bliss. 

You will see freshers taking pictures on the aeroplane seats, it’s very silly behaviour but you give a wry smile as you remember once upon a time you were just like them, and it truly was a beautiful time. 

Perhaps even more guaranteed is not making it into Loft

You pre’d too hard and didn’t queue from midday. You stood no chance. How could you have been so incredibly thoughtless. Either way, both eventualities bring you to the same place. 

The end of night dinner debate

Norwich has an abundance of kebab places, but the one guarantee is that the debate will come down to two of the finest establishments. Ossi’s vs Piccolo’s. Now if you want wings Ossi’s is not the one, and Piccolo’s are certain to deliver, but for everything else it’s a tough decision. 

The debate can be long and arduous, it could even lead to you calling your mate a “clown” when they suggest a wildly rogue destination of which to end the night and debrief, but wherever you end up you can be assured bossman will endeavour to deliver the greasiest pile of goodness you have ever seen. And for that, kebab men of Prince of Wales, we salute you. 

The 45 Minute walk home

The final guarantee is that your drunk stagger home will take a ridiculous amount of time, Norwich’s infamously bad public transport is obsolete at club closing time and even though you bagged a house in The Golden Triangle like a clever little gremlin, the beer goggle delay means you walk half as fast. The birds are singing as you open your front door, at least the alcohol blanket keeps you warm. Tomorrow is a recovery day. The day after there are no excuses, back on the horse and ready for more.

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