How to house-party proof your house

House parties are one of the best things about Leeds. But have one and you risk completely destroying your house, or getting it shut down by the police. So we’ve created a handy guide on how to party proof your house, so you can have banging parties/pre’s without the risk of the police, broken TV’s, or arseholes ruining the night.  Unless you live in Central Village, in which case just don’t bother, no one ever escapes those wardens. You guys are all too antisocial to have any parties anyway.

Buy loads of kitchen roll

This is a god send. Inevitably, half an hour in, someone will spill their bottle of wine, or knock into the beer pong table, and there will be sticky drink everywhere. Then, you will be glad you had the forethought to buy some kitchen roll. Even if you don’t deal with it at the time, your hungover self will be thankful not to have to trek to the shop. The same goes for all cleaning products to be honest. Just stock up. It’ll be worth it.

Kitchen roll is bae

Lock away any valuables

Hide your laptop, TV, money, keys, basically anything you don’t want nicked or broken. Pick a room, stick it all in there, and Lock. The. Door.

Rearrange the floor space

You need to make sure there’s as much floor space as possible. Just push everything up against the walls. Unless you have a decent table for beer pong, in which case make it the main attraction of the party. Once people see it they’re never gonna leave. Why do you think Bierkeller have such a banging beer pong table? They know it’s one of the best ways to get people to have a decent night.

Get pally with the neighbours

If you want to avoid the police being called, you need to make friends with your neighbours. Just pop round, let them know the party’s happening and maybe even bribe them with beer and chocolate. At the very least, if the party does get mad, they’ll be more likely to come over and tell you to turn it down themselves rather than call the police.

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Sort the sounds

You’re in Leeds now, so none of that Top 40 charts crap. Create the playlist a week or so in advance, then on the night just plug in your iPod and let the music do all the work.

Avoid inviting assholes

This sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised. The best parties are full of people you actually know and like. So that girl you met that one time in the line for the toilets at Fruity? Probably skip her invite. Or that guy that’s saved in your phone simply as Ketty Dave? He’s probably not going to add much to the party. Unless that’s the type of vibe you’re going for, in which case go for it. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Vodka Jelly

Lots of it. Trust me. If you take one thing away from this article, make sure it’s this.

Yes, that cup is full of vodka jelly. No, I don’t remember.