Fear not, freshers: The best clubbers in the UK is back
Come look at these pictures of the new freshers having a right bloody good time
You’ve waited all summer. You’ve lay in bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling fan, the steady beat of the grandfather clock ticking down until the exact moment it would happen. Soon, you said. Soon.
Well, the time is here. Freshers’ Week has arrived, and with it we’re bringing back our nationally-renowned series highlighting the Best Clubbers in the UK this week™.
Feast your eyes on the lot below, and don’t worry if you get to the end and still want more – just tune in next weekend for more of the same.
Most terrified clubber of the week
There weren’t crowds like this down south
Best professional ten-pin bowler
With this ball, I’ll rain destruction on those pins
Best ‘I’m watering my hydrangeas’ impression
They thrive in rich, moist soil and partial shade
A pictorial representation of my love life
Why does Greg always get the girls and I’m left with nothing?
THAT’S A FOUL
Any more of that behaviour and you’ll be off, son
I didn’t mean to intrude on your picture guys
I’m just over here stubbing my toe
Wait a second, Angelina Jolie is single?
Then why am I wasting my time with you two?
Ryan Lochte is sorry for his behaviour in Rio
His wife and his daughter still stand by him, though
Sommelier of the week
Ah, a peachy blend with fantastic minerality
And now, Question Time
Mr Corbyn, do you believe we should pay more in taxes in order to keep the NHS afloat?
The claaaaaaawwwwwww
The claw chooses who will go and who will stay
Yeah we’ve all seen them mate
Take your plastic fucking note elsewhere
The guy on the left is just too damn polite
If you do it with your hands it still counts as cursing
Why hast thou forsaken me, God?
I followed thine commandments good and true
Wait, where’s the DJ?
Those decks can’t be playing themselves
Them: ‘Do you think you’re being a bit full-on tonight?’
Me:
Latest
Selena Gomez opens up about health struggles and impact on her relationship with Benny Blanco
‘I have a lot of medical issues’
Love Island’s Luca has been flashing the life of a millionaire but his business is actually flopping
He bought Grace a Chanel bag for her birthday
Livestreamer’s family plead for help after saying she was kidnapped for ransom in Thailand
They’ve allegedly raised the ransom
The Glee stars who want to return, as Ryan Murphy confirms the reboot script is done
10 original cast members are ‘enthusiastic’ about coming back
Alfie Deyes just confirmed he and Zoe Sugg will be returning to YouTube at some point
They’re not gone forever!
University of Bath addresses claims of rugby club’s ‘disturbing and unacceptable behaviour’
Students have raised concerns about ‘spiking risks’
Meta is releasing a new AI charm device for your keys and it looks just like a Tamagotchi
You can customise your character
American Horror Story season 13 still feels ages away as people complain it’s ‘nowhere to be seen’
It’s out different at times across the world
The Lizzie Borden Story cast next to the real people show how accurate Netflix’s Monster is
At least it got one thing right
Aileen Wuornos had a husband and a child in further backstory Netflix’s Monster didn’t mention
Her husband was 49 years her senior
Emma Borden’s confused argument with a lawyer at Lizzie’s trial was very different in real life
She suddenly forgot what she’d earlier said
Footage of real Aileen Wuornos next to Monster on Netflix shows just how accurate scenes were
Monster gets a lot wrong, but Sarah Paulson gets everything right
Lizzie Borden’s sister gave a single interview 20 years later, saying the house was ‘unbearable’
‘As for her being guilty, I say no, and decidedly, no’
Aileen Wuornos’ tragic childhood explained, from her absent parents to life on the streets
Her past is explored in Monster
The healing power of housemates in eating disorder recovery
Friendships at university have more healing powers than initially perceived
40 years later, one of the Unsolved Mysteries cold cases has just been solved
Police thought they’d never have answers
Hudson Williams’ girlfriend condemns people going to her workplace and crossing ‘huge’ boundary
‘I didn’t ever want to have to say anything about this’
Family not informed of missing Lancaster student because ‘it was a weekend’, inquest told
The dad of Henry Shields called it ‘shocking’ the family was not contacted despite his son missing ‘three exams’
Calling all students and incoming freshers: Apply now for The Cambridge Tab’s editorial team
Applications close at 11.59pm on Monday 12th October