I went to Carnage sober and the smell and sound was overwhelming

It’s known for its cheap drinks, outrageous themes and general debaucherous behaviour, but Carnage is hailed (by the organisers) as the “best student event since 2004”.

So I decided to go. Sober.

Before

As soon as my taxi pulled up outside The Gate, I realised what I had signed up for. Overexcited freshers were already spilling out onto the pavement, St John’s Ambulance medics were ready for action, and there was already a queue for Players.

In Sam Jacks, the room erupted with over-zealous grinding and enthusiastic “singing” as their lethal trebles hit. I start to wish I was as drunk as everyone else as the infamous dancers give it their all on stage.

How old?

The next stop was Sinners – the crowd was hungry and their sexual urges started to take over. Guys in ripped Carnage t-shirts and pyjama bottoms scrabbled to get into the cages and I realise how annoying drunk people are as I struggle across the sticky dance floor.

The smell of the toilets leaks out into the club, but people don’t seem to care as they slut drop their way around each other. The smell and sound of people being sick is overwhelming.

The walk to City Vaults is littered with Carnage casualties – people too drunk to walk, fights breaking out in the street and concerned looking medics watching on as people spew down drains.

Bit cramped in the Sinners cage

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Because I was sober, I noticed all the worst parts of a night out: the music was too loud, the clubs were too crowded, the boys too letchy and the girls too desperate. At this point more than ever, I want the night to be over or to be too drunk to care.

Some Carnagers redeemed themselves though, as I watched two girls feeding a homeless man Quavers as he sat outside Sinners. He did well out of the Carnage-goers, with lots giving change – one punter even handed over a £10 note.

Finally, the end is in sight as we walk to Liquid. I see a couple grinding on Grey’s Monument and know that my patience is rapidly running out.

Some Carnage-goers were charitable

‘If you don’t pull on Carnage your game’s shit’

I’m even more sober when look around the mess of LQ: there’s endless couples getting off, people shuffling to awful EDM mashups and bodies slumped in corners. One reveller summed up the night perfectly: “The thing about Carnage is that no one judges you. You can go and do whatever you want and no one cares.”

It was time to go home when Banana in Pyjamas followed a giggling girl into a toilet cubicle.

Carnage sober was a surreal and eye-opening experience. If you insist on going to the next one, make sure you get well and truly smashed first.