Have you recently let out a property? Are your tenants students?

This can be a tough situation for any landlord. Students are sly, slippery creatures by nature and dealing with these academic assholes can be arduous, unless you set a precedent of incompetence and laziness from the get go.  See our quick and easy guide on how to deal with these spoiled, pretentious, rowdy brats and make your life as a landlord that little bit easier.

Make them fight for their security deposit

Students will always try to get their security deposits back at the end of the year. I know, it’s a joke right?

Well this one is easy. Simply highlight something about the house that was already there and blame them for it.

If they persist pick something else. This can be anything from peeling paint to a cracked drain pipe. If all else fails you can charge them for “cleaning costs”.

“Come at me bro!” 

Say you will fix things and then don’t

This one is very important and quite a difficult balancing act.

What you need to do is tell them you will be round to their house at a certain time. Let’s say 11am. So, you turn up at their house at 11.05, the next day, and tell them when you get there they will have to wait a week before you can fix their petty problem, whatever it is.

Usually it will be something trivial and unimportant, say a busted lock on the front door or their precious heating.

The longer you make them wait the more likely they will sort it out for themselves. This is a kindness really because by doing this you are teaching them valuable life lessons in thriftiness and self sufficiency.

Looks fine to me! 

Ignore mould

“Don’t worry about that.”
“That’s just discolouration in the paint.”
“Your lungs should clear up in a couple of days.”

These are three very valuable phrases and ones that you should do your best to learn off by heart when it comes to students complaining about their mouldy walls. However some of the more annoying little scholarly shits will persist. The best thing to do is to paint over the mould and say it’s gone. Sorry, I mean paint over the “discoloration”.

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“Somehow that is your fault.” 

Turn up at random times

“Invasion of our privacy,” ” stop turning up unannounced,” “get out I’m in the shower”, blah blah blah.

These are just a few standard utterances you might come across.

For some reason they think because they live there, they deserve some sort of prior warning.

Some might use some pretty big phrases and try and confuse you. Things like ” contractual agreement” or “peaceful enjoyment” spring up sometimes.

Don’t be fazed by this, just bide your time and remember their cheek come the end of the year for step 1.

“No you can’t bloody come in.” 

Fear the parents

The Parents. The proverbial “fly in the ointment.” Some of these turds will be unsatisfied with the service you provide. God knows why.

Parents are the one thing that can undo all of the good honest work discussed in the previous 4 steps.

Luckily most students aren’t aware of the potential power that running to mummy or daddy might yield.

If you do hear the ‘parent’ word uttered however, you must try your best to appease them lest mummy and daddy should get involved.

At all cost avoid the parents!