Revealed: Milo Yiannopoulos’ tour rider is as ludicrous as his politics

Venues will be fined in excess of $7500 if they play anything by Adele


The tour rider of conservative firebrand and alt-right favorite Milo Yiannopoulos has leaked. 

Emails passed to The Tab show his demands include “4 topless Abercrombie models, BLACK PREFERRED — NO gingers“, “2 x Laurent-Perrier Brut NV Methuselah” and “Framed 8×10 portrait of Daddy; frame must be gilded/gold-leaf; placed adjacent to artist’s.”

The rider also asks that “lesbian maintenance personnel must remain 100 feet away at all times and may not wear khakis, flannel, Birkenstocks, or plaid.”

The British journalist is set to restart his “Dangerous Faggot” tour of American campuses next month.

Earlier legs of the tour saw students at Rutgers smearing themselves in red paint in protest, and the fallout from a stage invasion at DePaul University led to its president standing down.

His employer Breitbart has been under increased scrutiny after its chairman Steve Bannon was appointed Donald Trump’s campaign chief.

Hillary Clinton singled out some of Yiannopoulos’ stories in a speech last week, lamenting that a site which published such pieces as “The solution to online ‘harassment’ is simple: Women should log off” should hold such sway in the political campaign of a major party candidate.

Yiannopoulos confirmed the authenticity of the rider, but declined to comment.

The rider in full

Milo Yiannopolous's production rider for his dangerous faggot tour

1. DRESSING ROOM

6 x Bottles San Pellegrino, chilled

2 x Laurent-Perrier Brut NV Methuselah

3 dozen poppy bagels, seeds removed

5 x good quality Sancerre

6 packs Newport shorts

Trainer-approved snack, fruits

Fresh fruit platter, prepared in shape of capital ‘M’

4 x Japanese square watermelon

Snow cone machine

2 buckets KFC Extra Crispy thighs should be ready upon arrival; skin removed & set aside in third bucket

Bacon

Hot and cold meal options – Gordon Ramsay recipes.

Preferred meats: Veal, suckling pig

  • Use only French fleur-du-sel, Northwest coast preferred source

8 dozen double-stuff Oreos, halved & spliced together to make 4 dozen double-double stuff Oreos

Cave-aged Gruyere

A bowl and a half of green M&M’s (approx 1400)

2 x tin petrossian royal ossetra caviar

30 x peaches, defuzzed

Advil/Tylenol

Hot water (filtered), fresh honey and lemon

Coffee: Hawaiian, grown in volcanic foothills; or any non-fair-trade source/country

Cough drops

Humidifier

WiFi (2 dedicated networks, high-speed)

Central air-conditioning

Full-length mirror

Working outlets/ power strips, extension cords

2 dozen white roses, de-thorned, cut to 8-9 inches

3 pack x Scented markers

Framed,signed 8×10 photo of artist, next to roses;

NB: attendant rotate frame hourly to maintain sun aspect

Room with east & west views

Framed 8×10 portrait of Daddy; frame must be gilded/gold-leaf; placed adjacent to artist’s

Hand lotion; any South Korean brand containing horse oil banned in the USA & EU

On-call registered nurse for B-12 injections

3 Siberian Husky puppies

4 topless Abercrombie models, BLACK PREFERRED — NO gingers

Tahitian Vanilla candles, minimum 12 hour burning time

10 ‘torchiere-style’ floor lamps

Assorted ceramic tableware

Hot & cold towels (Ralph Lauren)

Framed 8×10 black-and-white photo of Princess Di, placed on windowsill

Tiara

Johnson’s baby oil (slightly heated)

Star Wars Top Trumps

Assistant to read my speech on repeat to artist

Selection of minimum 12 world capital major newspapers, ironed

20 x international phone lines

75 x $1 bills

Registered on-call acupuncturist

Strictly Non-Smoking Rooms

Carpet & upholstery deodorized

Framed 8×10 of Mariah Carey, always placed facing the doorway, set next to the white roses

Framed 5×7 photo of J.Lo  (ideally Jenny From the Block era)

20 Sudoku & crossword puzzles, 90-95% correctly completed

Mariah back catalogue, including B-sides, looping upon entry

2 dozen limited-availability McRib sandwiches, and a vegan to watch me eat them

  • Room must be fitted with a mihrab, 4 hookahs – berry flavors only –  and 2 humidifiers

  • Decor: ABSOLUTELY NO BUSY PATTERNS, NO CHEVRONS

  • Room temperature: 25.5-26.2 degrees Celsius

  • Any fridge doors should be glass/transparent Perspex

  • NO PHONE CALLS IN DRESSING ROOM. $5,000 fine for venues per unwarranted intrusion

  • Venue must install fresh toilet seat for artist use only

  • ABSOLUTELY NO PLAYBACK OF ANY MEDIA BY ADELE; $7,500 fine to venue per infringement

  • Metal detectors at all doors

  • Venue transportation must be a late-model black Maybach; 26-inch rims

  • Police escort during moderate-to-heavy traffic to avoid delays

  • Chauffeur All personnel must wear 100% cotton clothes. No man-made fibers

  • Security personnel should be dressed neatly and tidily. NO T-SHIRTS.

  • Venue personnel should refrain from applying perfume/cologne

  • Venue personnel must apply deodorant/antiperspirant hourly; to be checked by tour manager

  • Lesbian maintenance personnel must remain 100 feet away at all times and may not wear khakis, flannel, Birkenstocks, or plaid

  • Female staff must wear brassieres or other supportive undergarments

2. STAGE

Freestanding iPad stand

Freestanding music/notes stand

2 x San Pellegrino chilled, small bottles

Cough candies

2 x Printed copy of speech, stapled

Assorted pens

Spectacles (2 pairs)

Assistant for meet & greet

Headshots for signing

3 x Silver paint pens  (Brand: Molotow)

Bear Spray (see lesbians, above)

Fog machine

Personal taser

Hand sanitizer/wet wipes

Mace

Velvet-roped waiting queue

Dedicated gift drop-off table

Cattle prod

50 white doves to be released upon entry

PROMOTER/PRODUCTION REP: PLEASE PROVIDE PROMOTER AND PRODUCTION REPRESENTATIVE TO CO-ORDINATE LOCAL ELEMENTS

Image credit: Mike Allen