Things about being a Notts student that would send a Victorian child into a coma

And no, it’s not Lenton’s rats

We all know the typical things that would send a Victorian-era child into a coma; cling film, a strawberry ice Elf Bar, and any music by Lizzo.

But what about things only Notts students do? Here are eight things about being a Notts student that would send a Victorian child into a coma.

Living in the Lenton Triangle

The Lenton Triangle is home to many Notts students and is a universe of its own.

Though I don’t think that Lenton’s rat problem would do the trick, the fireworks and near-constant house parties would surely send a Victorian child into a coma.

Crisis theme nights

The amount of alcohol the average Notts student consumes on a Wednesday night would probably be enough to end any Victorian child.

But the image of the UoN Men’s Rugby team heading to Crisis in some frilly dresses on one of the themed nights would blow a tiny Victorian child’s mind.

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The Monica Partridge building

Monica Partridge is surely a threat to a Victorian child’s mind.

The never-ending flights of stairs needed to climb to your seminar on floor four, the different level doors on one side of the building to the other, and the sheer panic of having only glass railings to stop you from falling to your death would all be too much to handle.

The subway queue during lunch

Victorian children might have been able to survive workhouses and chimney sweeping, but could they handle the Subway queue in Portland during lunchtime, which many of us students have bravely faced?

Jubilee Campus

Jubilee campus – just the entirety of Jubilee campus.

I am unsure what the business students are doing out there, but the modern architecture, the confusing lakes, and the bright red buildings are almost too much for my 21st Century mind to comprehend, let alone a poor Victorian child’s head.

A cheese, red onion and pesto panini from Portland Coffee

This is a classic Portland panini. There is more flavour in just one of these bad boys than in every meal a Victorian child would ever eat combined. The taste alone would be too much.

QR code attendance

Part of everyday life as a Notts student is scanning QR attendance codes so that you don’t get a somewhat passive-aggressive welfare email about your attendance.

But whipping out your phone and letting Big Brother know where you are might be too much for a Victorian child.

Being hit on the head by a VK in Ocean

A Friday favourite for UoN students, and even Andy Hoe treks all the way over from Canada to boogie in Ocean. But the flashing lights and the shirtless Baywatch song would be far too much for a poor Victoria child to handle.

The final straw would be being hit on the head by a flying VK – a Notts classic.

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