10 things that consistently humble me as a Newcastle University student

The uni gym isn’t even the worst


Despite the Toon being my chosen place of residence for the last year and a half, this city has humbled me far more than I expected. From Northumberland Street (at any time of day) to feeling like you’re in a rave in The Vintage Standards, it really does have its quirks.

1. The Armstrong Building stairs

If you ever see me actively fighting for my life on here, no you didn’t x

But seriously, why are they so small and compact?? A massive dig to the architect who decided these stairs were fit for people to walk both up and down, shame on you. I also feel like an awkward dog when I get aggressively pushed into the wall by other students coming downstairs and cannot wait to escape the wrath of these stairs.

Overstimulating doesn’t even cut it. Thank God for the lift.

2. When the library vending machines don’t work

The uni should count themselves lucky for having students even purchase anything from these machines built of nothing but DAYLIGHT ROBBERY.

However, I do catch myself there when I feel like I deserve an award after doing five words of my essay x

The excitement quickly turned to anger once I see the machine is OUT OF ORDER. Then having to walk back to silent study with nothing to show is arguably worse than a walk of shame in Jesmond.

3. Campus exposing everyone you don’t want to see

I swear as soon as you mention someone as you’re walking into uni they spawn out of thin air. Who knew uni and Minecraft were so similar, especially when that one ex-situationship resembles a Skeleton (AKA skinny white man).

4. The weather

I’m tired of going out of my way to have my hair down for it to be physically assaulted by the Newcastle ghastly winds.

Not even the wind for that matter, the sub-zero temperatures and the rain. The wind and rain are my least favourite by a mile, RIP to 95 per cent of my umbrellas since first year.

5. Going out on a Wednesday Sports Night

So glad I am not part of this due to my idleness and lack of sportsmanship x

Whether you’re involved or not, you have to admit the outfits and themes are absolutely barbaric at times. Imagine walking down the street in a nappy, I applaud and feel significant sympathy for anybody who has been victimised by sports teams.

6. When your Pop Card doesn’t work

It’s already a struggle enough to get one, never mind when it makes a loud bleep noise and states “PLEASE SEEK ASSISTANCE”. I’d rather just walk away with embarrassment thank you x

7. The uni gym

Also known as a cesspit for past situationships, flings and club gets. It’s a task and a half, the easiest part is the workout however actually seeing people is beyond mortifying.

8. The library during exam season

Trying to find a seat feels harder than competing in The Hunger Games. Special shoutout to those who leave their stuff at desks and deprive the rest of us – shame on you.

I actively now avoid the library in exam season because the stress of seeing everyone and the lack of available seats is just too much stress.

9. When lecturers catch you trying to scan and go

The accidental eye contact is even worse…

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures, especially in the time of those passive-aggressive attendance emails. Leave me alone and let me rot in peace x

10. That one cycle lane in Jesmond

Stop dinging at me, I’m hanging out my arse barely making it to uni.

Don’t get me started on the people who have CHILDREN in the back, it’s a safety hazard and a half. I have a more likely chance of being hit by a cyclist than a car these days, more specifically an Uber Eats bike (if you know, you know).

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