Renting experiences in London are outrageous, and these tweets show just that

Renting in London has always been hard, but it’s a different ballpark when we are living and trying to thrive in the midst of the cost of living crisis. (Our flat calls it a “COLC”, where discussions about an air fryer being 95p cheaper than our oven – followed by a breakdown – occurs.)

The prices, which are over £2,000 for most student areas now, seem even more outrageous considering the quality of these living places – the student who had to deal with “mysterious hair” in a £1,000-a-month flat shared with male roommates remains in my thoughts.

And these are all worries after you manage to find a flat in the first place. Relief (and financial doom) remain pending until you have a key in your hands.

It is a painfully relatable worry for all London students, and something we shouldn’t have to struggle with so much in addition to our studies. The London Tab have compiled a list of outrageous renting experiences in our lovely city to show that you’re not alone.

I suppose honesty is the best policy?

Imagine seeing a tiny illustration of a woman laying on a sofa in the floor plan. (At least it wouldn’t be a deceiving floor plan.) I would say this woman lives in the “mi casa et su casa” mentality, but I think she may have misunderstood the assignment of getting quick bucks.

Do you not love how pricey it is considering you will wake up seeing a woman when going for a midnight snack? I appreciate her entrepreneurial money-making era, but I do have to say this is not the way my lovely x

Umm…

Ok. Fork out that extra £100 if you can, because options like this are not sounding great. That could just be the sceptic in me. £5 can just about get you a small coffee in London. Sorry, I mean grande in fancy words.

All joking aside, this is very much an illegal and odd approach to winter cuffing season. Does the £5 include bills? Because I have to say this guy should not pursue his dream as a landlord. He is not making much of a profit.

I am also concerned that he happily proceeded to post this as an ad.

Apparently being able to sleep while standing is a pre-requisite

I have heard of a stand-up desk, but a stand-up bed would be quite a different thing.

The landlord needs to take inspiration from Sir Isaac Newton, because gravity is a key obstacle blocking their vision. I acknowledge the creativity, but anyone renting there definitely would not.

Possible art idea for the Tate I must say; it’s a great visual representation of the living conditions during this COLC. Maybe the title can be “Goodnight London.”

Even our aesthetic minimalists couldn’t…

Cue the optimistic mindset: Even Harry Potter living in the cupboard under the stairs did not receive such luxury of a plug-in hotplate.

Ok, even I can’t spin that. At least it was free for him.

The deception here is unreal. Throw a microwave in with the toilet and I’d call that the main bedroom. Gordon Ramsay would definitely call this landlord an “idiot sandwich.” Cannot be cooking like this.

LinkedIn stalking is a fun flat bonding activity

The job title “consultant” would have these girls and their whole flat in Clapham (a wild guess for graduates) shaking in their boots. Wait, but what type of consultant? This could change their whole excel spreadsheet with their coded categories of their perfect flatmate.

I have to admit we do love girl bosses. They do not wanna play the cute little monthly game of “Can our flatmate pay the rent?” Credit checks may be the way though, as Linkedin does not filter out psychos. Personality also matters, as you do not want butter stealers even if they are a doctor.

Hope everyone likes burnt toast and Netflix true crime series at 2am…?

A very concerning version of Big Brother is all I have to say.

These are only a few weird renting experiences, and I am sure there are lots more.

Certified Zoopla searcher signing off now. Guess I will turn on the battery-powered fairy lights to get my light source.

One must bow to the superior forces of London’s rent market

As a side note, estate agents are also interesting creatures. They are either being an angel keeping you up to date with the house process, ignoring you, or repeating your questions back to you in fancier words. I say this from subjective experiences of course.

In this instance, I would say the estate agent does not quite understand the importance of posture. That is just a wild guess though.

Check out these resources on taking care of your mental health during the cost-of-living crisis: Coping strategy for students struggling with cost of living crisis, Cost-of-Living Crisis: Mental Health Resources, Find out more about other means of financial support available for UCL students here.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• UCL students can now get ‘super- low cost’ breakfast and lunch at Students’ Union cafes

• London students grapple with money despite the city being more affordable than last year

• I spent a week eating surplus food around London, and this is what it’s like