The nightmares of living with parents during lockdown

Mum I swear I DON’T smoke

4 years ago

Moving back home after living in God’s gift to Earth (a.k.a. Cathays) is a tough task for the best of us. It’s got its perks, don’t get me wrong: Homemade food, a dishwasher, the wondrous creation that is the BATH. For most of us, however, these perks are starting to wear off. It’s getting increasingly difficult to enjoy my bath when my mum is constantly nagging me to “walk the dog” or “clean your room”… LET ME RELAX LOVE!

You’ve told The Cardiff Tab your most stressful isolation nightmares back at home, and it’s safe to say we now feel a whole lot better about our situation.

My mum walked in on me taking nudes

“So my mum doesn’t really believe in knocking. Long story short, she walked straight in on me taking some rather compromising photos. Her face showed pure HORROR so I told her I was mole-mapping in a Peep-Show inspired panic. She thought it was a GREAT idea and offered to take the photos for me….. and then asked me to take some of her. My photo library is now a nightmare and I really miss the lock on my uni room door.”

The struggle to have a cig

“I’ve had to buy a Juul because I can’t smoke and when I’m drunk I really need a cig. In the first week I literally climbed out my front bathroom window and I was so drunk I couldn’t get back up into the window for 20 minutes. We have camera’s outside so I’m hoping my parents didn’t see. I got a stone stuck in my foot and had to ask my Dad to get it out, he was so confused how I got it in because I hadn’t left the house in days.”

If I lean far enough out the window the they’ll never smell it!!

Why is my Mum ALWAYS naked?!

“When my mum gets home from work, she runs naked from the laundry room to her bedroom to stop the infection risk from her clothes. She tells me to hide so we don’t see her, but obviously we do. My step-dad then tries to make jokes about catching her out naked. It’s all too much. Excuse me whilst I vomit.”

Sex scenes don’t get any easier

“We’ve all been there. It starts off as a wholesome family film night, then a sex scene comes on and suddenly everyone needs the toilet. I was watching the rather explicit sex scenes in Normal People with Dad because he watched the first episode (that had no sex in it) and said we should watch it together as a family. We watched the second episode to find a graphic sex scene. Dad left the room, I was trying to talk over it, Mum was laughing. Was a bit of a shit show watching someone get fingered for the first time with your Dad. Funnily enough, I watched the rest of the series alone.”

Watched THAT Normal People sex scene and my mam turns to me and says
"Are you okay? It's been such a long time since you've seen a willy."

— Dani – Blunt Force Kindness (@RebelLipstick) May 12, 2020

When your drugs end up in the washing machine

“I ended up taking my mates bag of K home and forgetting about it. I chucked the top in the wash, then my mum returned my washing. I picked up the clothes to put them away and the bag fell out. I’ve got no idea whether it’s gone through the washing machine or if she’s taken some for herself. No way I’m asking.”

A vibrator box is the perfect hiding place

“I was cleaning my room and found a few baggies from my second year phase. I panicked and hid them in my vibrator box. No parent checks your vibrator box, right?”

Having to stop the cigs

“I smoke in my room and then light incense to get rid of the smell. But my parents started blaming next door for the smell of smoke on our clothes, so I gave in and bought a Juul.”

My mum walked in on me vaping

“My mum walked in on me vaping. I had to blow it behind my phone and hope she wouldn’t see. I was like a bloody dragon, she must be blind.”

Mum cleaned up my sick

“I got drunk on Zoom to my friends and ended up throwing up in a bin. I woke up to the shame of my mother as she cleaned it up for me.”

What day is it again?

“I got drunk on Zoom and apparently went for a walk at 3am but I can’t remember where. I woke up at 5 the next day.”

Getting black out drunk on Zoom just isn’t the same as doing in the Woody

So while the stress of living back home may be getting to the best of us, you can rest easy knowing you haven’t faced these incredibly awkward isolation nightmares (yet)!