UPDATED: Full Lent term card released as Union scrambles to reclaim one of few star speakers
You can stop holding your breath – not that you were
In an embarrassing retraction, the Cambridge Union is cancelling one of its biggest names – leaving the Lent Term calendar looking meagre.
Buzz Aldrin – the second person ever to walk on the moon – decided he did not want to come the The Union after a preview of the termcard was shared with the press.
The debating society’s 200th year is off to a gentle start with Jon Snow, Stephen Fry, Inna Shevchenko (don’t worry, that doesn’t ring a bell for us either) and Sarah Palin scheduled to make an appearance.
The full term card is only a little more diverse, including Dragons Den legend Theo Paphitis, renowned childhood legend Sir Quentin Blake, Holocaust survivor Eva Clarke, multi-prize-winning composer Stephen Sondheim, and controversial “professional feminist” Germaine Greer, who is likely to ruffle some Newnhamite feathers given her 1996 resignation as a result of a trans woman’s inauguration as Fellow of the college. Interesting move from someone who harps on about gender being merely a construct (English students will sympathise).
Hype levels are likely to be off the chain around March 2nd as Sarah Palin, the world’s favourite ‘Murrrican politician, jets in from the States. Palin is famed for:
- Having the “lowest vote of confidence in a running mate since 1988” when she ran for vice-presidency in 2008 (despite not knowing what the job entailed)
- Claiming that the difference between a “soccer mom” and a pitbull is “lipstick”
- Believing that mankind co-existed with dinosaurs 6000 years ago when the Earth was made.
It’s hard to imagine she’ll enjoy Cambridge.
Long-time England sweetheart and one of Cambridge’s most admired alumni, Stephen Fry, actor, comedian, activist, Anglia Ruskin academic and writer, is finally returning to our hallowed halls to participate in a debate on January 29th for the first time in 3 whole years. He must have been hard to get hold of, especially since he spoke at The Other Place on Bonfire Night last year. Don’t forget to congratulate him on his recent engagement.
February 26th sees the turn of Inna Shevchenko to take to the throne. The Tab’s sources tell us she is, in fact, the leader of international feminist movement FEMEN, well known for repeatedly baring their boobies (inscribed with various controversial messages) on worldwide television, throwing chips and mayo at politicians, and stealing the Baby Jesus out of churches just before Christmas. What festive spirit. The Tab is taking bets on how many minutes into the speech public indecency laws are breached this time.
Fangirls (and boys) beware: the one and only Jon Snow will be making an appearance on March 13th. (No, not the hot one, the other one. The white-haired Channel 4 presenter whom everyone wants for their granddad.) He interviewed Russell Brand last year, maybe he was recommended to take a journey for himself into the land of “Harry Potter pouffes”?
Union President Amy Gregg claims: “I am extremely pleased that we have begun our Bicentenary year with such a diverse range of prominent speakers. As ever, the Union strives to offer members the opportunity to engage with some of the world’s most significant and influential public figures.”
Ok, Amy.. But we’re all really wondering when the hell we get to catch up with our Oxford rivals and meet the God himself.