The good, the bad, the ugly: Inside Bristol students’ house group chats

Who chunned in the sink? I won’t be angry, just disappointed

Whether you choose your house or you’re lumped with whoever is leftover, your flatmates can either make or break your university experience and I fear many of you must be broken by now.

These are the best, and by best we mean the absolute worst, of messages sent to your house group chats.

Sharing is caring 

Sharing a washer means sometimes your clothes will end up all mixed up, someone will nick your favourite Josie top – and sometimes your mum will reckon that means you’re committing flatcest. 

The Ben Dover trilogy texts

This three-part series one is a long read but it is so, so worth it.

The level of orchestration and commitment to the bit for this one is just remarkable. For a second, even I was fooled and outraged for the poor victim of this prank who was being fined. The poor thing was fooled so hard for caring so much about not forking out for a fine, it almost broke my heart. 

I need an update  – did poor Eggs Benedict go to the main desk and ask for Ben Dover, Aneed Seamon and Seymour Bush???

The case of the missing ket

This poor little lamb seems so grateful for being put to bed and so betrayed that someone would steal their ket. The simple “You and Aaron did it together” set me off. 

The phantom shitter part one 

The one singular minute between “That is not real” to “it’s real” is golden. In one minute, the trajectory of that poor person’s life changed forever. The absolute cheek of their flatmate to suggest cleaning it and never speaking about it again though? Good for the discoverer of the turd for holding their ground, I really hope they didn’t have to clean it up.

This must have been a scarring event as two different people submitted these exact same texts. 

The phantom shitter part two

Some poor silly fresh must have soiled themselves on the way back from a Soldiers and Slags themed night at Fishies and disposed of the evidence… Right on someone’s doorstep. Nappies next time maybe? 

More on the topic of bodily fluids… 

The sorrow in these texts is almost tangible. Hope Lydia’s doing okay and invested in some good rubber gloves. 

Nightmare on Park Street

This one’s straight out of a horror movie.

In conclusion… Are you guys okay??? Where are you finding these people to live with??? I think you need to invest in house training lessons for these cretins you’re inviting into your home. 

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