MAFS UK 2023 week two

MAFS UK week two: Thomas Hartley’s brutal verdict after the first commitment ceremony

‘Porscha deserves an Academy Award – there’s nothing genuine there’

Week two of MAFS UK is done and dusted, which means the only thing left to do is get everyone’s favourite Married At First Sight icon Thomas Hartley in to give us his exclusive, brutally honest verdict on all of the couples we’ve seen tie the knot so far. Every week, MAFS legend Thomas Hartley speaks exclusively to The Tab to give us his savage summary of the week so far. This week we saw the marriages finish, the honeymoons wrap up and the first chaotic dinner party and commitment ceremony of the season. So what did Thomas make of everyone on 2023 MAFS UK week two? Here we go!

Tasha and Paul

“They’re just radiating so much love. Paul is so handsome, he seems a bit nervous and geeky but he’s just really sweet. I think there’s a bit more fire to Tasha that we’re yet to see. They haven’t gone the whole hog yet, so I hope they get a really good shag in next week.”

Laura and Arthur

“I think Arthur seems a bit subservient, like he just wants to serve Laura and keep her happy. Laura’s still a bit cold but the way they keep chiming on about the vows it’s really fucking boring now and think they should just let it go and move on.”

Porscha and Terrence

It’s fair to say that for MAFS UK 2023 week two, these two have dominated with their scraps.

“Porscha deserves an Academy Award. The breathy dramatics, all that stuff. There’s nothing genuine there and I don’t get it one bit. Terrence, I need to know more about him but I think he’s definitely genuine and authentic because he wrote leave. It was really childish what she did with the spoon, end of. It was petty. She needs to get over it.”

Ella and Nathanial

“I think knowing what we know now with Ella and Nathanial you watch these emotions and think ‘Why you still there?’ There’s no way someone can manipulate a 36 year old man into being in a relationship where he doesn’t find the person attractive and has no intention of continuing it because he went to the press after and did a big interview?

“I do think the way Nathanial supported Ella when she came out was absolutely sensational, and it’s left me sad because I think he could have dealt with it in such a different way. In the current climate, I’m going to defend her at all costs but I don’t think she’s done anything wrong – she’s asked her husband if he fancies her.”

Jay and Luke

“I love Jay and Luke. They’re amazing. Clearly they’re getting a good few shags in, no better feeling. I think the difficulty is when others are looking in who aren’t in that situation it sort of makes you feel sad when you’ve gone on there with the right intentions. I know a lot of the cast have gone on the show not having the right intentions but I definitely think Jay and Luke have.

“I loved at the dinner party when she went, ‘It’s a fucking metal spoon, man’! Hilarious. Clearly they’re all aware of Porscha’s moaning and how it’s really fucking boring.”

Peggy and Georges

“I thought they seemed really lovely together. I’m happy for them. I think Georges has realised what side his bread is buttered on and that he’s punching, I think they’re going to make it. I’ve just got a funny feeling they’re gonna make it.”

Brad and Shona

“My fave couple for entertainment purposes. It’s incredibly cringeworthy, it’s hysterically funny, and the PDA? When she picked his nose at the dinner table I felt fucking sick. It’s entertaining. She’s intense and all in, and whilst he is I think he’s now like ‘Fuck, what have I let myself in for here?’ Not with her, but I think he’s shared all these feelings but in the long run it isn’t love it’s lust. And it’s hard to differentiate those two sometimes.”

Thomas and Ros

“I feel sorry for them, I really do. I think they had a shag to escalate the feelings but it’s just not happening. They’re not made for each other. I don’t think there’s any animosity but there’s absolutely no way that’s going to work. I think he’s very guarded. I need them to open up more.”

Stray thoughts:

In a final MAFS UK 2023 week two summary, Thomas told us “I have to say it’s a bit of a struggle remembering all their names. Last year I wouldn’t have had this problem, at this point. It’s not hitting the way it was. The drama off telly is hitting, but now we know what we know [re, Nathanial] it sort of ruins the storyline for the viewer. It’s one of them. Don’t go to the papers and ruin the storyline for the viewers!

MAFS UK 2023 continues tonight on E4. For more like this  and for all the memes and gossip, like The Holy Church of MAFS on Facebook.

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