MAFS UK week one: Thomas Hartley gives us his brutal verdict on the 2023 couples
‘There are a lot of parallels between Ella and Nathanial and me and Adrian’
Week one of MAFS UK is done and dusted, which means the only thing left to do is get everyone’s favourite Married At First Sight icon Thomas Hartley in to give us his exclusive, brutally honest verdict on all of the couples we’ve seen tie the knot so far. Every week, MAFS legend Thomas Hartley speaks exclusively to The Tab to give us his savage summary of the week so far. This week we saw Jay and Luke, Laura and Arthur, Ella and Nathanial, Roz and Thomas, Peggy and Georges and Paul and Tasha get married at first sight, and here’s the expert verdict you need. MAFS UK 2023 week one, summed up by Thomas Hartley.
Jay and Luke
“I think Jay’s lovely. She’s a northern queen, a bit rough around the ages which is what I like. Common as muck, I love it. Beautiful, funny, wears her heart on her sleeve and just embraces the way she was born and makes fun of it and lightens the mood. Deep down I think all she wants is to be fancied and be loved. I really, really like her. However, I do think if she keeps second guessing Luke’s feelings she could self sabotage.
“Luke I think is absolutely hilarious. I love him making all his dad jokes and innuendos. I think he’s handsome, funny and kind and fancies her. The only thing I’d say is he’s been on telly before, which I really, really don’t like. Other than that, I think they make a lovely couple. They’ve obviously had a good shag, which is what I think cements a relationship. For me personally, all I want is the cock.
“I think overall, they’re giving me Chanita and Jordan at the beginning vibes. I just hope it isn’t Chanita and Jordan at the END vibes.”
Laura and Arthur
“Hated Laura’s wedding dress. Meringue but half whisked. It wasn’t giving. I think she’s got this sense of entitlement that she doesn’t live up to. She’s wooden and came across as quite mean, her vows were mean, and then the standard she set for her husband was beyond that. I hope there’s more to her because she’g good telly. A pound shop version of Whitney. She’s been on telly before as a dater on Celebs Go Dating and that just screams beg to me. Maybe she’s at the age where she’s not quite young enough to go on Made In Chelsea so the next best thing for her was Married at First Sight? Soz hun.
“I hate all Arthur’s bro shit, it’s toxic. But you can see there’s a vulnerability and you can see he’s a nice person. He’s trying to overcompensate but doesn’t need to. I think he’s tried his best to resolve whatever issues she’s had, and he’s just happy to be there. He’s a bit dim, and he’s happy to be there. I don’t think the marriage is going to last.”
Rosaline and Thomas
“I really haven’t got a lot to say about Tom and Roz. Filler cast. Double. He says he’s not ready to cuddle her but he’ll marry her at first sight? He says everyone calls him a Tory, which is the biggest insult on earth. I don’t think she’s doing anything to reassure him. There’s nothing. I had to think to remember their names. I wish them all the best for their marriage. I hope they have a fight or something with a bit of vulnerability, because so far it looks like Roz has gone on holiday with her librarian.”
A savage MAFS UK 2023 week one summary from our Thomas as per.
Ella and Nathanial
“So, Ella is obviously really invested and not be rejected as a trans woman. She’s very brave in this current climate to put herself on display on national television as the first transgender bride in the franchise. She’s beautiful, funny, selfless – cares for her grandma. It’s wholesome, a good story and great representation for the community.
“Unfortunately, when someone starts going to the papers and selling stories about people and they’ve got an IMDb as long as my arm, it doesn’t leave you in good stead. He was all flirtatious on the wedding day but on the honeymoon he gave her the cold shoulder, calling her overdramatic, trying to tilt her crown.
“It just seems like there are a lot of parallels between Ella and Nathanial and me and Adrian and it’s all going to come to a head. But for me, standing your bride up at a restaurant and outing her career which she told you in confidence, you’re already not showing yourself to be very genuine. And then to be cryptic on Instagram and betray your wife? There are parallels between our MAFS UK relationships, Adrian would never have gone to social media and diminished me. I’ve heard Nathanial says he never wanted to be with a trans woman allegedly. I don’t like him, I think he’s fame seeking and I’ve not got time for any of that. You’re 36, you’ve been on five TV shows, hang up the show reel.”
Paul and Tasha
“I think Paul is the most handsome groom so far. Gorgeous on the outside and inside, kind and loves his parents – respectful. Tasha is one of my new favourites. Northern, fabulous.” Helen, Thomas Hartley Official’s iconic mum then shouts in that both of these two are her fave from MAFS UK 2023 if week one’s anything to go by.
“10/10 for both of them. Wish them all the best.”
Georges and Peggy
“Whilst I think Georges is handsome, saying ‘mummy milkers’ and being gross and a show off is not really funny and it’s not going to make you be hailed as a bro or go down in history. I think there’s more to unpack there, but so far, wanker. It’s disappointing. I think Peggy’s really lovely and wears her heart on her sleeve. I liked the sister and how she held Georges to account. I hope he pulls his finger out and she knocks him down a peg or two. Georges, please stop. And stop playing the Xbox too, you turd.”
Make sure you check The Tab next Friday for more of Thomas Hartley’s savage verdicts on week two of MAFS UK 2023 – that’s week one over and out.
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All images courtesy of Channel 4 / Thomas Hartley.