This is exactly how long the 2023 Love Islanders would survive in a zombie apocalypse

Way way back in 2008, before Black Mirror had begun, the show’s creator Charlie Brooker made a mini-series called Dead Set where a global zombie apocalypse broke out around a cast of Big Brother contestants. First they were in oblivious reality TV show isolation— then they fought for their lives as some of the last humans standing.

Evidently, we’ve never been able to shake off this genius link between reality stars and fighting the undead, because every summer when Love Island returns to our screens, Twitter can’t help but hypothesise how each of the contestants would fare in a Shaun of the Dead style situation. Cricket bats ready.

So, in honour of us entering into the final weeks of Love Island 2023, here is a full rundown of exactly how long every contestant would probably survive in a zombie apocalypse because, well, it’s fun isn’t it:

Molly

Molly survived a Love Island dumping and came back from the ITV dead. So, we’re thinking she’ll probs be bitten first but survive as a zombie, ruthlessly harassing all the other islanders long, long, into the apocalypse. She’ll be one of the last undead standing. But, ultimately, she’s done for.

Ella T

OG Ella has already had to deal with pure hell and horror from Ty in the Love Island villa. Honestly, she’s got a lot of anger waiting to be unlocked so I back her to grab any furniture at her disposal and do some damage to the undead. She’s making it out of the apocalypse alive. End of.

Jess

Realistically, Jess would put up a good fight but wouldn’t make it more than three days. Her anxiety levels couldn’t hack it. Plus, she doesn’t have much of an inside voice, which doesn’t work out well when you’re hiding from flesh eating zombies. Let’s get real.

Ella B

Ella B is getting bitten within hours but, unlike Molly, won’t survive long. Because Ella T is coming after her in the name of the greater good. And, honestly, as she should. It’s not a cat fight if the world is on fire.

Whitney

Our absolute angel of the villa is this apocalypse’s hero. Sure, she’s going to scream her absolute head off the first time she sees Molly’s zombie self hurtling towards the day beds, but I back her and Ella to team up and take a few heads off to make it up to the terrace and hide out till it all blows over. It’s giving Buffy.

Amber

Too sweet for life itself, 19-year-old Amber’s apocalypse could go one of two ways: Either, she’ll be dead in seconds or, she’ll manage to hide so quietly in a cupboard that she’s completely forgotten about until the Mallorcan army arrives. Seriously, where has this girl been for the last two weeks?

Abi

I can’t explain it but Abi is going to fall on her own weapon on day two of the zombie invasion. Can just feel it in my bones.

Kady

We all know Kady can scrap. And although she might not be best friends with the other girls in the villa, she’ll be ready to team up with Ella and Whitney to take zombies down. Ultimately, though, she’ll become obsessed with taking down undead Molly (revenge is never far from her mind) and wind up bitten herself on day four. Shame.

Zach

Anyone who’s grown up in South East London has SEEN things. So, Zach is well prepared for the Zombie apocalypse. This man is carving daggers out of chair legs and going full zombie hunter mode. Eventually, on day six, he’ll be outdone by his own hubris and eaten alive. But still, he has vim.

Mitch

Mitch is the type of guy who’d get a zombie bite and hide it. He’d slyly bleeding out, infection rushing round his body, jeopardising everybody else, and nobody has the slightest clue until his eyes go white. He was probably the one who bit Molly. The obsession never ends, even in the undead after life. Dead on day three.

Tyrique

Tbh, Tyrique thinks of himself as the king of the villa and, as annoying as this fact it is, his confidence would probably carry him through the apocalypse. I’ve got visions of him and Ella emerging from the rubble of the villa, only slightly scathed, holding each other’s hands and a weapon in the other. Cinema.

Lochan

Whitney is not leaving her man behind. Do I back Lochan to fight his way out of an apocalypse? Not really. But he’ll join the girl gang on the terrace and get through. Even if Whitney has to carry him on her back up the stairs, she’s not emerging from the hell scape without him. Our girl is loyal.

Sammy

A certified wimp under all the bravado. Would probably rather run into a crowd of zombies after three hours of the apocalypse to get it all over with instantly than actually try and summon the gumption to make it out alive. Soz, he’s toast.

Josh

He’s hiding in the cupboard with Amber. These two have no idea what they’re doing.

Ouzy

Ouzy might have literally no loyalties  in the Love Island villa but he seems like a really good egg. So, I back him to be putting in graft, laying traps for zombies, helping the girls and backing up the guys to get through the zombie infestation. Ultimately, though, he’ll be collateral damage when Mitch goes to the dark side on day three.

Scott

Throughout the whole of Love Island, Scott has deserved better. And, much like Ella, he’s probs got some rage to unleash. Him and Whitney are leading the pack to get the survivors out of Mallorca. So, Scott’s making it home as a fifth wheel alongside Ella, Tyrique, Whitney and Lochan. Case closed.

Love Island 2023 is on ITV2 and ITVX. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook. 

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