Help! I’m addicted to watching people roll and smash bottles down stairs on TikTok!

There is a new pandemic, and it’s easy to get infected. This one spreads on TikTok, and all you need to watch is one video to find yourself ensnared in its clutches. One video is all it takes to be hooked on watching people launch glass bottles and jars down staircases. It sounds ridiculous, it is ridiculous, but it is all encompassingly addictive. I am hooked on people roll and smash bottles down stairs on TikTok Perhaps I should just show you exactly what I mean before I sound like a spluttering weirdo.

@lilloalencarr

#asmr

♬ som original – Lillo Alencar

So much to see, and so much to think about. Why does this man do this? He claims it’s ASMR, but not many would categorise such carnage as a soothing watch. Where does he get all the stock from to afford to launch them down the stairs, presumably to their smashed destruction? How long does it take him to clean it all up? Why does he keep flicking the camera back to him to show his face looking bemused with a bit of glass? Why is he lowkey fit?

@mrpotee

#asmr #satisfying #asmrsounds #asmrtiktoks #asmrvideo

♬ som original – Mrpote

That first account isn’t the only bottle launcher account. The one above seems to, worryingly, be chucking them down inside stairs. Not only that, but the bottles are filled with coloured sand. Please take a moment to think about the cleanup involved in this. Who can afford, and who has the time, to be throwing bottles to see if they smash down stairs on TikTok? These people are enigmas to me, but I’m so grateful for what they’ve brought to my life.

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Particularly stressful about the above video is the fact the stairs have no railings. This person already lives in a death trap and now they’re playing with fire on a daily basis because who knows when they’re going to trod their foot in a shard of sandy glass. Drop me out.

@ayame.p

#duet with @Mrpote #ASMR didnt even get a chance to guess…

♬ som original – Mrpote

I even thrive watching others react to it. Shout out to Ayame who manages to perfectly capture my feelings of stress every time she watches one. She just gets me and I get her.

Where does my addiction start here? I think it stems from enjoying people do something I would absolutely never ever EVER do in my life. I live vicariously through their nonsense, through their antics that would give my mum a hernia should she get a whiff of how destructive and wasteful I was being. Will this pandemic of me being hooked on the TikTok bottles smash on stairs end? Who knows. I hope not.

@harrisonjbrock

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