Students who get caught smoking Elf Bars on their university campus to be fined £500

What am I meant to do with my emotional support library vape now??

University students across the country will be fined up to £500 if they’re caught smoking an Elf Bar on campus.

Universities UK is set to announce student Elf Bar consumption has become “out of control” and now new measures are being put in place to “preserve the health of the future generation.”

In a recent survey of 18,000 young people conducted by The Tab, over a quarter of UK university students admit to being addicted to Elf Bars. With 27 per cent of students admitting to being addicted to the disposable vapes whilst more than half of students have used an Elf Bar since the start of this academic year.

Now vice-chancellors up and down the country are saying enough is enough. They claim the scale of academic success at their universities has dropped since the brightly coloured disposable vapes have become more and more influential in youth culture. I’m not being funny but what the hell am I meant to do with my emotional support vape now?

Students will be paying up to £500 for smoking an Elf Bar on campus because that is how much it cost one Russell Group Uni to dispose of one colourful vape on the premises.

The announcement is likely to provoke controversy following students up and down the country who are protesting for other injustices such as the cost of rent.

We are truly in hell!

Ha! Made you look, you April fool!

Related stories recommended by this writer:

There were more than 1 million visits to ChatGPT website at universities in last exam season

A quarter of students forced to skip meals to save money through cost of living crisis

It’s official, these are the highest UK graduate starting salaries in 2023