All the depressing things you’ll relate to if you’ve ever lived in a mouldy student house

It’s an unfortunate rite of passage for most students that at some point they will live in a house or flat that is literally crawling with damp and mould, something which I unfortunately can speak about with too much experience.

The timeline of finding out that your uni house is more or less infested with mould starts with discovering the odd patch of damp behind the fridge and two weeks later seeing that all of your clothes now have a layer of mould spores on them.

Whilst we may try everything to make our houses borderline liveable, from forking out for a dehumidifier to keeping the windows open throughout the winter, the mould still persists. But you know what they say, if you don’t laugh you’ll cry so here is a rundown of all of the things that you might experience when living in a nice, damp uni house.

1. Being told that the mould is caused by you

Before living in a student house I wasn’t aware that humans were capable of creating structural damp and mould, I mean at least that’s what I’ve been told when trying to complain about the black mould growing behind my bed. There’s already a good record of all of the unhelpful advice that landlords have given students who’ve complained about problems in their houses; I’d like to take the time to add my own submission from when my landlord said that I must have been sweating too much which caused the room to be covered in mould, not the single-glazing window which was a breeding ground for condensation.

2. Spending a small fortune on a dehumidifier

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Dehumidifiers are expensive, they also make the most irritating sound when they’re on. Even if you’re lucky enough to have a landlord that provides one for you, watch out for the sudden spike in your electricity bill.

3. None of your clothes ever dry

With limited radiator space or funds to keep the heating on, uni houses are usually littered with drying racks all over the place. What’s great about having a mouldy house is that soon all of your clothes will be mouldy too because they NEVER dry. When times get really tough you have to resort to using a hairdryer to dry your jeans in a rush to make it to your 9am on time.

4. Your shoes will become mouldy beyond repair

I don’t know what the logic is of mould clinging to every surface of your shoes but it’s a nightmare, a moment for my two fallen pairs of Birkenstocks that succumbed to the damp all too soon.

5. Your food gets mouldy too

If the damp and mould extends to your kitchen cupboards you may find that even your food isn’t safe. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve gone to make myself some toast and found that my bread has now become a biohazard.

6. Making new friends with the builders that are constantly in the house

Again if you’re fortunate enough for your landlord to actually make an effort to combat the mould, you may find that your house becomes somewhat of a building site. Bonus points if the builders start working when you’re in the depths of a hangover or alternatively, attempting to complete an online exam.

Another personal favourite anecdote of mine was being told by a man that came to fix the mould in our bathroom caused by a leak in the roof that it was actually more like a sieve than a roof.

7. Having the windows open even in sub-zero conditions

“You just need to ventilate the room properly, that’s the problem,” says every uni landlord ever. This advice is useless and it’s even worse when it’s freezing outside or if you are in the downstairs bedroom facing the road outside.

8. Constantly being ill

It’s pretty widely accepted that a damp uni house is not going to be the most healthy of environments, having a constant cough and blocked nose seems to be inevitable. It’s even better being the person having coughing fits during every lecture.

9. Friends coming over and saying ‘It’s not that bad’

After hearing you incessantly moan about the mould in the house maybe it’s just an attempt to make you feel better but it doesn’t work when there’s mushrooms literally growing in your cupboards. Yummy!!

Related stories recommended by this writer:

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• I got ChatGPT to write my essay to see if I could get a 2:1 from a Russell Group uni