Apparently there is a guy on Tinder who likes to spike girls with laxatives
‘My friend’s, brother’s, cousin told me about it’
There is a guy who meets girls for Tinder dates then spikes them with laxatives – and everyone seems to know someone it’s happened to. Someone tweeted a warning about it the other day. Glamour even published an "anonymous" first person account of it happening to a girl.
The story goes as follows: This girl meets a guy on Tinder, they get on well and after three dates he invites her over for dinner. Just before dessert she feels her tummy cramping and she realises she's gonna shit herself. Like when you have a coffee and a fag and it literally feels like your tummy is going to drop out your arsehole.
Midway through the bathroom door she loses control and there's poo everywhere. This guy is weirdly nice about it, providing her with clean clothes and a towel and chuckling along like she just did a cute little burp. When she leaves the bathroom she realises why. He's standing there, face nuzzled in her dirty knickers, his chest smothered in brown stuff. Unfortunately, it is not Nutella, he had spiked her food with laxatives.
This story sounds unlikely but it wouldn't be the first time shit and Tinder have made the news. A few months ago a girl got stuck trying to lob her shit out the window so her date wouldn't see that she'd blocked the toilet.
But then the laxative story could be an urban myth just like the one about the guy who goes down on a girl and thinks her genital warts are Skittles. To find out whether this really happened, I conducted an investigation. Here is what I found.
For one, no one is the girl who was spiked and no one can actually name her either. Ollie Moore, 23, told me that: "It happened to my mate's, sister's, cousin", and everyone else's accounts follow a similar line. One person even said to me: "I just spoke to my boyfriend (he was the one who told me the story). Apparently it's actually his cousin's mate so he feels like he can't really comment on it".
I also emailed Twitter user KelsoCorp, real name Steven Kelso, who sent me a rather intense email clarifying his version of the story: "From memory, the game of telephone went: Victim, victim's roommate, roommate's friend, my cousin (roommate of that friend), then cousin tells my Mom, who then told me."
He then described how much he enjoyed the story: "The reason it was shared (besides being a traumatic/hilarious tale) was it inspired my cousin to stop considering Tinder a viable dating option.
The story was regaled to me over dinner and drinks with my parents. We had fun analysing the entire situation forensically, legally, psychologically and scatologically. My mom knows I have my own collection of Tinder horror stories and Crohn's disease, so I'm definitely a receptive audience to bowel related crash and burns."
It seems everyone has a connection to this girl, she must be a club promotor or something, handing out flyers and making everyone use her name to get £5 entry on the door.
Even more confusing, the place where the laxative spiking takes place changes in everyone's accounts. Whilst Sarah Crosby, 24, told me it took place in Glasgow, Steven Kelso said it was New York. The Glamour experience feature claims it happened in Clapham, and when I heard about it three years ago, I was told it was in Leeds. So this guy moves around a lot, maybe he is on a gap yah or he's a Hollywood actor with a private jet?
Most people I spoke to could not name anything about the laxative man. Except Ollie who told me: "He was a student, I don't know what he studied, I just know he was at Leeds Met, I think the girl I heard it from said he was fit and popular."
Whilst Steven said: "The profile was described to me as a well-pressed, successful man who works in finance. Not much more detail on the perp than that though." Maybe he graduated from Leeds and now he's a banker in New York?
With everyone providing conflicting accounts, I spoke to a number of sexual therapists to try and unpick how common spiking people with laxatives actually is.
None of the professionals said they had encountered anything like this before. Although Lisa Etherson explained fetishes to do with poo are quite common: "The urban name for a fetish concerning faeces is scat or the official term is coprophilia. It’s found relatively easily on porn sites, if you know where to look."
But she went on to mention that it's unlikely that someone would be so open about wanting to nuzzle in poo after just three dates: "I work with people with fetishes and they are usually pretty secretive about it so I doubt he would have been so open."
However, Karen Jones suggests coprophilia is often associated with sadomasochistic practices, so it makes sense that this guy would use laxatives: "This guy also got pleasure from the power and humiliation involved in what he did…I expect he also enjoyed the thrill of planning it and the danger element of potentially being caught."
The story goes that the girl went to the police station after her ordeal to report what had happened. They explained to her that her date had been accused of this many times over. As such, I emailed the non-emergency addresses of the police departments of the areas where the attack had apparently happened. Not a single one said they had received any allegations of this happening.
I spoke to Clapham's Lavender Hill police station (the nearest station to the Glamour writer). But the officer replied: "I have looked into the allegation which you have mentioned and not found anything so far. Do you have anything more specific?"
If only I could provide something more specific. No one can provide any details, other than it happened. Either this guy is roaming the streets with buckets full of Senokot Extra Strength or he is a fictional character. If you know this person, please do get in touch: [email protected]