The fresher’s guide to York men

Freshers, as you begin to dabble in the dating scene of York, many of you will be overwhelmed by the whole thing. 

However, the more dates you go on, the more it becomes clear that the men of York seem to fall into some fixed categories. 

So to simplify it, The York Tab has compiled your expert guide to York men, just to make the whole dating ordeal a little bit easier for you. 

For the men reading this, yes, we understand that you are not all the same however, there are some patterns that are two obvious to ignore. 

1. The Indie Night warrior 

If you have ever step foot in Ziggy’s Indie Tuesday, the chances are you have ended up in a conversation with this man. If I’m really going to place my bets, I’d predict his pick line would be something related to Sam Fender or the Artic Monkeys. 

However, I would tend to say this man is probably on the least problematic side of the spectrum of York men. Their sphere is Indie Night or Stones, and they tend to stay out of any form of drama. 

While his face is probably plastered across every single Indie Tuesday post like he’s the brand ambassador, he’s actually the furthest thing from a BNOC you could find. 

2. The Rugby Lad 

While many of them will probably argue with this, freshers if you ever come into contact with any rugby man be careful. 95% of the time they do live up to their reputation, unfortunately. 

In the wild you can probably spot them by their Bumble Bee jackets or if they are trying to be undercover their Canterbury’s and quarter zips. 

If you do, unfortunately, end up stuck in a conversation with them you will be told about their gym plan, that Henry Pollock was never actually going to leave Saints and that he won’t be able to meet you for a drink because England is playing Scotland later. 

3.The College President 

Is he running for college president or Prime Minister, who actually knows. What’s for certain is that he will make conversation with you by asking if you have voted for him. His face will be plastered across every aspect of his college’s social media and he won’t forgive you if you don’t know what his “big plans” are for the next year (spoiler alert, no one actually knows what the plans are). 

Either way, dating him will feel like your first lady of whatever college he is in. 

4. The Strava Celebrity 

How many lectures has been to? He doesn’t actually know. However, what he will be able to recite to you is how far he ran this morning, at what pace and how many kudos he has received on Strava so far. 

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In all seriousness though, the Strava celebrities of York actually tend to nice enough. 

Unless you end up in a soul destroying situationship with them, in that case they will break no-contact with you through Strava. 

5. The Hinge Warrior 

When many of us give up on the match-making gods who decide whose in our seminars we turn to Hinge. Which is another battleground in itself. 

The chances are if you do meet someone on Hinge and manage to even go on a date with them, your friend will know him. To top if off either she would have also been on a date with him, or knows someone who has. 

While maybe it’s not the hinge mans fault (though it probably is), what this really shows you is the limited nature of the dating pool in York. What feels like a sea in your first year quickly turns into a puddle. A puddle which appears a lot quicker the second your download Hinge. 

6. The BNOC

Dating the Big Name on Campus is playing with fire, if you want my honest opinion.

This could work out one of two ways. The first is that everyone else on campus somehow knows you’re both dating before you’ve even made it to the second date, a reality which is honestly petrifying. 

The other is that both of you are able to operate like MI5 agents and keep the entire things under wraps the entire time.

Either way, the second people find out prepare yourself for many conversations staring: “Oh my gosh your dating so and so, I know him!” 

7. The tote bag guy 

Spotted, outside central hall, Vanilla Match Ice Latte in one hand and a copy of Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar in hand in the other. Recognise the description? It’s the man who will most likely ruin your life in the next three years. 

I fear York has become plagued by the performative male archetype and while some of them can be genuinely lovely, some of them have a bit of a reputation. 

As long as you nod along to there discussions about Sylvia Plath you should be able to make it out unscathed.