I’m fuming that new Harry Potter TV show even exists – here’s why you should be too

The teaser trailer for that new HBO Harry Potter TV show is finally out, and pretty much every shot is being mercilessly dragged. Good. I have yet to encounter an actual person who doesn’t groan, roll their eyes or flat-out shriek at the mention of the new Harry Potter show. If you’re late to the conversation, or you even… dare I say it… look forward to the show, then here’s three reasons why you too should see the Harry Potter TV show as a crime against creativity.

1. It’s been, like, five minutes since the last film

That new trailer gives the impression that the first season of this Harry Potter show will be a shot-by-shot remake of the Philosopher’s Stone film, but with the brightness turned down and the colours zapped out. It’s only been 15 years since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 came out. Perhaps the HBO executives could spend some of their budget on *gasps* something original and interesting?

It’s the same picture (except I had to turn the brightness right up on the new one so you could see it)

2. I don’t think JK Rowling needs the pay check 

This is your daily reminder that:

a) JK Rowling donated £70,000 to For Women Scotland‘s campaign for the Supreme Court to rule the legal definition of a woman is based on biological sex

b) JK Rowling is an executive producer on the new TV show. Forbes estimated she could make about $20 million per year for being involved in the series

Of course, this Harry Potter show is a massive production involving hundreds (and probably thousands) of creatives. I would guess there are many crew members who don’t share JK Rowling’s views on trans people, and are just grateful to have work. But I implore you to look deep into your soul and ask yourself: “How do I feel about spending hundreds on Cursed Child tickets and plastic twigs (sorry, officially licensed replica wands) and whatnot, when I know who is getting a mountain of money from this, and what she does with that money?”

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3. Have you even tried to read The Half-Blood Prince lately?

Did Hogwarts run out of lightbulbs?
(Credit: HBO Max)

“Ah,” cries some loser on Reddit, “but a TV show will be the book-accurate adaptation we deserve! The films left out soooooo many crucial details and committed unforgivable crimes against Ron’s character! Now we can see every single word represented on a TV screen, exactly like the films I made in my head when I was four!”

Funnily enough, books and films are… not the same thing. Of course, not every word of a book will be in a film adaptation. Not every detail we seen in a film will be described in a book, either. If you want to relive the books, just read them.

The more Quidditch we seen, the more stupid it seems
(Credit: Warner Bros.)

Yes, I know some book readers like whining that in the films Ron was too useless, and Ginny was too dull, and Peeves was non-existent. The first season of the show will consist of eight episodes. Would we really need eight hours of TV show per book?

The Philosopher’s Stone and The Chamber of Secrets barely had enough plot to fill two and a half hours of film. The final three books are filled with so much faff that a reader can only assume JK Rowling had become to famous for editors to dare give feedback. The Order of the Phoenix book contains three chapters about Harry cleaning Grimmauld Place, and at least seven rundowns of how much homework everybody has. Watching all that on TV will be as thrilling as… well, doing cleaning and homework.

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Featured images via YouTube / HBO Max.