Here are 12 things that are guaranteed to happen on every Liverpool night out

Whether you’re a fresher diving into Liverpool nightlife or a final year just reminiscing, we’ve all been through the trenches when it comes to experiencing a terrible night out on the town. If you made yourself a bingo card of these 12 things, as a Scouser, I can guess that you’d be getting a full house every time you headed on a night out, trust me. So let’s get this party started, with the things you’re guaranteed to experience on every Liverpool night out.

Someone not making it out of pres

There always has to be one. Most of the time, it’s the person who doesn’t know how to limit themselves and ends up drinking their way into a coma at around 8pm. Just because you’ve bought a litre bottle of vodka DOESN’T mean you have to finish it in two hours – apparently. The argument, “What? I’m not even drunk! The bouncer will let me in!” is a strong one but no, the bouncers will not. We don’t think the taxi driver will even let you in their car. Glasses will be knocked over and smashed, unnecessary stories will be told, and they are either sent to bed or in a taxi. Be prepared for the apology text the next morning, even though we probably all behaved worse in the club than they did at home.

Someone forgetting their ID

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Right when you think you’ve gotten everyone together, and the hassle of organising a taxi is sorted, he worst thing to ever hear in that car is your friend asking if someone else has their ID on them. I guess we all know now how our parents felt when you forgot your school bag in the morning. It’s an easy fix of just turning the taxi around, but it is always a pain. Even worse, when you’re already queuing up and you can see your friend rummaging through their bags with a panicked look. You had one job!

Arguing over what club to go to

Finally made it into town? Now, let’s try to get people to decide on a club. This will be an easy conversation! The most controversial club in my friend group has always been Shit Indie Disco. The thing with Shindie is you either really love it, or really despise it. You spend your first hour in the bustling streets of Liverpool at 12am on a Thursday trying to decide which place to go to. It doesn’t matter anyway – after queuing and ordering a drink, the urge to leave kicks in almost immediately.

Shots!

It doesn’t matter if you’re feeling too drunk or not drunk enough, shots will always be mentioned. If you’re the person who comes over to your friends with the tray of shots I both love you and hate you all at the same time. No one is ever going to turn down a free shot. Just please, please, please, no more tequila. It’s even worse when you’re at the bar and can see the many deals on shots, your drunk self tries to do the maths in your head, and it always seems to agree with whatever has a shot involved. Damn you bargains!

Someone goes missing

Clubs can get very busy and it’s easier than you would think to lose a person. Whether they’ve gone into the toilet and not come back, or gone off with a friend, you will never get a message from them saying where they are and if they’re okay. You’ll spend half your night running up and down the stairs of whatever venue you’re in, but what makes it funnier is, flash forward to three hours later, you see that missing friend with some sunglasses on with a group of adopted mates, who by the looks of it you would assume have known your friend for years (it’s been a couple hours).

Photo Booths

Of course, you can’t forget the photo booth. There is always that one friend who if they see these, they run towards it, begging everyone to get in. The prices of these things never fail to shock me, it’s either £1 or £10 – enough to wipe out your budget for the week without even trying. No matter the price though, once you’re in that tiny booth with five of your friends, it’s the funniest 2 minutes ever. They always come out nicely (unless half of your face gets cut out) and are a great way to decorate your room, so totally worth it!

Running into someone in an obscure costume

No matter what day it is, occasion or not you will always see a group of students dressed up in some sort of costume. Whether it’s an inflatable alien costume, or someone wearing a wig and glasses, you’ll never figure out who they’re supposed to be or why. It’s equally as terrifying walking down Smithdown Road on a Wednesday to see rugby boys dressed as random fruits doing a 5k in the dark.

Getting interviewed or photographed

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These people deserve their own personal place with hell. Whether you’re just enjoying yourself in a club or running over to ask for a photo, that photographer WILL take the worst photo of you in your life. It makes it worse when you can see where they’ve put a filter on the picture to try and make you look a bit more flattering, and then go and post it on their main Instagram. Charli XCX makes the drunk stare look so hot, but it is merely fiction.

Oh, and when you thought it couldn’t get worse imagine, a TikTok of you getting interviewed at 2am with the most ridiculous questions of all time. The whole fun of a night out is to go and have fun without judgement, now these photos and videos are on the internet forever. Just you wait until people you don’t really know start sending the link to you over and over again. Excuse me whilst I scream into my pillow.

Arguments in the toilets

This goes to more of the girls reading this, the toilets (no pun included) are a pisstake. You will always be there 15 minutes more than you should be. There’ll be seven girls squeezed into one toilet cubicle, one girl throwing her guts up in the next, and someone complimenting your outfit in the queue. Everyone’s the most patient person ever until they enter the women’s bathroom on a night out, and we can guarantee that someone will be banging on the doors to get everyone out at some point. However, it’s also your best opportunity to have the most eye-opening therapy sessions, receive the nicest compliments, and some stunning photos taken.

Taking a picture of your friend doing something they’re going to regret in the morning

Is it the meanest thing ever? Yes, but that is life. As a good friend, it is my duty to provide photo evidence of you being an absolute mess or talking to someone you definitely shouldn’t be speaking to. Just don’t ever do it to me.

Falling down the BaaBar stairs

The worst building design of all time, it’s like they designed it to make sure anyone will fall down it. I swear, it seems steeper than Everest. Not to mention that really mean bouncer on the top shouting at you to hurry up.

The post-night out takeaway

Is it even worth explaining this one? There’s something about getting greasy fast food, whether it be cheesy chips, kebab, nuggets, anything in that moment of time will be the most delectable food you’ve ever tasted in your life.

So, if you’re heading out tonight, just remember to bring your ID, make peace with the Baa Bar stairs, and keep your friends close – and hopefully in a fit enough state to make it out past pres.