‘I didn’t want to be here anymore’: Maura speaks out about ‘dark’ times after Love Island

Maura Higgins has spoken out about how she found life after Love Island, and struggling with dark and suicidal thoughts after finding fame on the show. Maura took part in the show in 2019, and has since become one of the biggest names associated with it.

Speaking in a just-released episode of MAFS UK and Celebs Go Dating expert Paul C Brunson’s new podcast, We Need To Talk, Maura opened up for the first time about just how much she was struggling after the show, and with the huge workload and new lifestyle that came with it.

CW: Discussions of suicidal thoughts. 

via YouTube

During the chat, Maura told host Paul C Brunson her life changed “massively” after Love Island and said straight after the villa was a “very, very hard time” in her life. She said she felt overworked, and lonely – and in the end felt as though she wanted to take her own life.

“I never spoke about it, I was just dropped to the UK.. and I was in the public eye,” she said. “I had nowhere to live, I had no friends, no family, nobody I could trust.”

Maura said she had been independent all her life, but still found the return home from Love Island “a lot” to deal with and “scary” on her own. “I remember a lot of times I was faking a smile,” she said. “Work was so busy, I was getting barely any sleep. I had no clothes, I had a suitcase just with Love Island bikinis.”

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Maura said straight after Love Island she was living out of a hotel room, as her base wasn’t England but all her work was there. She recalled getting night terrors in hotel rooms, and calling a friend in her sleep and shouting down the phone that she was sleep deprived.

“I had a breakdown. I had dark thoughts,” she said. “It got to a stage where I don’t even think I told my mum – I didn’t tell her how bad it was.”

via YouTube

Maura said after the villa she was offered her own show on ITV which she jumped at the chance for, when in reality she was already over worked. “I was in a terrible head space,” she said. “One day during filming [of her own show after Love Island] I broke down in front of all of the producers.”

Maura said during this time she was “really struggling” and “can’t imagine I was very nice to work with.” She added: “I felt so mentally exhausted from putting on a smile.”

When asked by Paul how dark this period really was for her, Maura responded: “Pretty dark.” She added: “I didn’t want to be here anymore. I felt like there was so much expected from me. I was there on my own, there was nobody to help.” Paul C Brunson then asked if she meant that she wanted to take her own life, and Maura nodded.

She said a friend in Ireland helped her overcome these thoughts, and made her come back home to have her “home comforts”. Maura said she was then back with her family and best friend, was able to sleep again and switch off. She credited still being here today to that friend.

Maura told of a FaceTime call she had with her mum, a year after Love Island, where her mum broke down in tears and told her, “this is the first time I’ve seen you back to yourself.”

Maura did note that ITV and Love Island were “incredible” with helping her after the show, and she had people from the channel’s care team who called her “every single day” to check in.

If you have been struggling with dark thoughts, help is available. You can speak to Samaritans today for free on 116 123.

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