We asked ChatGPT to finish Kieran and Kristina’s song from MAFS UK, and the lyrics were brutal

So, on the MAFS UK couples’ retreat, Kieran and Kristina made up a song about some of the other couples. They improvised the tune with a guitar while in a steamy bubble bath, and not going to lie, it’s a bop. Since we were left wanting more, we asked ChatGPT to finish Kieran and Kristina’s song, with a verse about each other MAFS UK couples. The results were pretty savage. ChatGPT left no prisoners.

The original song by Kieran and Kristina

Kieran singing his savage song about Orson and Richelle
(Image via Channel 4)

To recap, here is the original masterpiece which Kieran and Kristina sung in the bath:

Kieran:

“Kieran and Kristina are sitting in the buff.

Nobody knows I’ve got my big toe up your arse.”

Kristina:

“Caspar and Em, they’ve had a right old giggle,

They got their helmets on and they’re taking a piddle

On their bikes.”

Kristina, mid-composition
(Image via Channel 4)

Kieran:

“Orson and Rochelle are not getting on,

And that is why I’ve made them this song.

They just need to put the past behind closed doors.

And Orson should get on all fours.”

What a tune. I would 100 per cent stream the album.

The next verses are ChatGPT wrote when we asked it to continue the song about MAFS UK. Warning: it gets brutal.

Eve and Charlie

“Eve and Charlie, always in a tiff,

Eve storms off like she’s had enough of this riff!

They can’t finish a convo, it’s a comedy show,

Their love life’s a mess – everyone knows!”

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We definitely all know that now, since Eve and Charlie were the first couple to quit the show after a dramatic commitment ceremony.

Polly and Adam

“Adam and Polly, what a cringey sight,

Adam’s hair’s a disaster, and he thinks it’s alright!

Polly’s a drama queen, always making a scene,

While Adam just dreams of his ‘perfect routine!”

I’m glad that AI has become intelligent enough to understand how awful Adam’s hair is.

Holly and Alex

I will never recover from fajitagate
(Image via Channel 4)

“Alex and Holly, you’re a real sad tale,

Alex thinks he’s charming, but he’s destined to fail!

Holly deserves better, don’t settle for trash,

Time to ditch the jerk – go on, make a splash!”

I mean, ChatGPT’s not wrong.

Lacey and Nathan

“Nathan and Lacey, it’s a snooze-fest grand,

Nathan’s eyeing Lacey’s sister – ain’t that just grand?

With grunts for conversation, it’s a silent retreat,

And that fajita fiasco? Not exactly sweet!”

Clearly, Lacey and Nathan need to argue more in order to appease ChatGPT.

Sionainn and Ryan

“Ryan and Sionainn, you’re both so plain,

No drama, no laughter – just a long, dull chain!

Sitting there quietly, like two bumps on a log,

Time to shake things up, or you’ll both just fog!”

Okay, “both so plain” feels pretty harsh considering that Ryan legit tried to make it as a model. I don’t get what ChatGPT meant by “like two bumps on a log”, but I’m guessing it’s not a compliment?

Hannah and Stephen

Hannah and Stephen’s relationship has gone from bad to abysmal
(Image via Channel 4)

“Stephen and Hannah, what a twisty ride.

Mormon boy’s praying while she’s trying to hide!

Fitting in with the crew, it’s a slippery game,

While Stephen just wonders if he’s the same!”

This made me spit out my tea.

Amy and Luke

“Amy and Luke, with your cheesy romance,

Luke’s compliments are worse than a bad dance!

He thinks he’s a prince, but it’s all just a farce,

Sorry, Amy, with him, it’s a one-way traverse!”

I’m deeply concerned that ChatGPT thinks Amy and Luke’s relationship is “all just a farce”, because I’m actively rooting for these two. My heart can’t take it if it turns out that Luke secretly hates Amy or something.

Sacha and Ross

“Sacha and Ross, it’s a real comedy show,

Ross can’t keep up, he’s moving too slow!

Sacha’s rolling her eyes, it’s a constant dread,

While Ross thinks he’s charming, but he’s just mislead!”

I haven’t actually seen Sacha roll her eyes yet. I’m a bit scared for what’s to come with these two. Can ChatGPT read the future?

For all the latest MAFS UK 2024 cast member news, scandals, gossip and updates – like The Holy Church of MAFS on Facebook. 

Related articles recommended by this author:

• Inside the bougie country hotel where the MAFS UK 2024 cast went for the couples’ retreat
• Every cringey compliment Luke has given to Amy so far on MAFS UK, ranked by ick factor
• These 30 unhinged MAFS UK 2024 memes will keep you entertained until the show’s back

Feature image via Channel 4