15 blatantly obvious signs that you’re a Durham fresher, according to a third year

Freshers’ Week is coming to a close and it’s about time to let the new intake know what makes their status so painfully obvious. These 15 signs are almost all harmless, innocent and well-intentioned, almost every returner went through the same experience and it is simply the circle of life. That being said, please do stop excessively jumping and pushing on nights out because it’s really jarring and rude. Anyway, here are 15 ways to spot a Durham fresher.

1. Face paint

Face paint stocks must be soaring right now after the amount of it I’ve seen around the city this year. I respect the flair but it is so obvious you are a fresher.

2. Going to the dance floor instead of smoking area

I actually quite like this one – freshers on the dance floor and returners in the smoking area provides something of a “cordon sanitaire” and helps us to avoid catching flu. Keep this one up please, even though you are obviously in the inferior location.

3. Asking “what college are you in?”

The ultimate icebreaker and definitely one I was guilty of in first year. Shout out to the fresher who was on top form in Big Bird on Wednesday and asked the question to seven girls in a row, would recommend asking them their name first next time.

4. Drinking with their right hand

I’m not one for coaching here but the amount of buffalo’s I’ve seen this week is genuinely quite concerning. The game is the game and you, as a fresher, simply have to respect it.

5. Not knowing what a Woodgate is

We were all young once… You’ll soon learn that ordering a pint in a club is really impractical and that a Woodgate is the way.

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6. Getting to the club at 10:30pm

Another one I was guilty of in first year – an innocent mistake but not the best usage of your night out. You’ll sober up by about 1am, you won’t have time to properly pre at home and you have to experience that painful and totally empty first hour of clubbing. Just go later, “before 11pm entry” is normally a load of bullshit.

7. Adding everyone in a five mile vicinity on Snapchat

I get it, you’re in a new city and you want to make as many friends as possible – totally fair enough and branching out is a good idea. But it is also really glaringly obvious that you’re a fresh.

8. Attending lectures in a pack of at least 20

Walking down with everyone from your college on your course for about two weeks before you all realise you can’t be bothered is quite the experience. Expect that number of 20 to drop to about five by Halloween.

9. Taking an excessive amount of photos of Prebends Bridge

My camera roll is still stacked to this day from 2022. It’s a good thing that the Billy B isn’t aesthetically pleasing enough to have you all get in the way taking photos when I’m just trying to brave the library while hanging. Take those photos though, you’re in a beautiful city and should make the most of it.

10. Going to Paddy’s after a night out

I went to Paddy’s last weekend and I felt like I should be in a retirement home. I would be amazed if the average age was above 18.2. You’ll soon learn that Urban Oven, Big Bird or Stanton’s is where it is really at.

11. Stressing about missing their 9am

It really doesn’t matter. The whole “first year doesn’t count” shtick is a bit overblown as you will have to use your first year grades to apply to internships, but those grades won’t be defined by missing a handful of lectures here and there. Stop stressing and enjoy first year.

12. Getting lost on their way to Maiden Castle

That first walk from the hill is always a tough one, particularly if you’re headed to the grass pitches behind the main centre. Don’t be the fresher that is late to their first college sport match by thinking you’ve found a shortcut, just bomb it down the main road.

13. Jumping, pushing and shoving *excessively* in a busy club

Seriously, this needs to stop – what happened to freshers standing awkwardly in the corner? Especially on a small and tight dance floor you have absolutely no place to be intentionally pushing people, nor should you be jumping excessively and making it impossible for people to get through. Grow up and grow up fast.

14. Not understanding that Facebook is kind of a thing in Durham

Overhead a fresher asking their mate on Elvet Bridge how to set up a Facebook account the other day. It really is a bit weird but you just have to adapt to Facebook being the heart of uni group chats, lost items and ticket re-sales.

15. Wearing a lanyard with their campus card

Little bit too keen. Bonus points on being a very obvious fresher if you’re wearing it to lectures to try and look put together and organised.

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