Ranking the Love Island 2024 cast based on nothing but the vibes of their promo pics

One of this nation’s most cruel mistresses is the brutal Love Island photographer. Whenever a new cast for Love Island is announced, the promo pictures released are always a fascinating exhibition on how to do a bunch of budding influencers absolutely dirty. For Love Island 2024, though – the photographer has levelled up. Gone are the kinda gross, sickly sweet backgrounds of stars, lollipops and love hearts and in is a scorching fiery heart and dramatic all black setting. It’s rather slay – but not all Islanders emerged unscathed and the cursed poses have once again returned. As is now tradition, here is a ranking of all the Love Island 2024 cast by the vibes of their promo pics alone. Because, sometimes… it’s fun to judge books by their cover.

12. Munveer

Poor Munveer. A deep sadness in his eyes. Call it a hunch, call it intuition – but I have a sneaky feeling he did NOT want to put his hand on his head like that. Blink twice if you need saving, my man. I fear the photographer held him hostage to get this one.

11. Ronnie

I appreciate that the odds are kind of stacked against you when it comes to dad vibes allegations and your name is Ronnie, but this is so dad it hurts. I feel like I’m around the pool at an all inclusive hotel in Tenerife and I’m being pestered to come and play a water volleyball competition with the kids club. Dad mode: ACTIVATED.

10. Sam

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I’m sorry, but if someone is rubbing their chin like this I truly believe they’re only a few seconds away from rubbing their hands together and proceeding to greedily gobble me up like I’m a Pizza Hut buffet. You really don’t want your Love Island 2024 promo pic vibe to be the kind of energy of the man in the club you’d swiftly waddle away from – and I’m ranking Sam low because of it. Again, I find it hard to believe he asked the photographer to pose like this. These poor men.

Pose aside, none of these tattoos spark joy inside me. They actually spark misery, if I’m honest. But if he’s happy, I’m happy. You do you, pal.

9. Harriett

If I accidentally bumped into her in a club I would genuinely fear for my wellbeing.

8. Jess

I actually went to school with Jess, which I think is the first time I can ever say that about an Islander. Anecdotes aside, this pic gives little away. She can look back on this with the satisfaction however that the dreaded Love Island photographer didn’t do her dirty.

7. Sean

Yeah, I’d be happy with this. Just a bloke. Just a nice handsome bloke stood there smiling. If I’ve got nothing to roast you for or particularly praise you for, all is not lost.

6. Samantha

Knowing Samantha is the scouse one in the mix for Love Island 2024 makes me want to put her at the top of the ranking, but alas you cannot convey the iconic scouseness via a picture. She looks absolutely fab, though – gorgeous.

5. Ayo

It’s a testament to the overall good vibes of Ayo that the photographer could make him do a pose that could so easily be sinister, but doesn’t feel it. Instead of feeling like a strange man has just selected me for some ominous task, this image makes me feel carefree. I feel like he’s about to pull me into a Jet 2 advert as we run off on holiday and Jess Glynn booms out the speaker. I’m charmed.

4. Nicole

BAM! This diva. She had a moment to serve, to be fun, to queen out – and she took it. Retro pose that never gets old coupled with a nice little smile that feels endearing rather than formidable. I see you.

3. Patsy

This image has the potential to be a Love of Huns apocalypse. One glance at this and I feel like I’m in old school TOWIE or something, listening to some camp gossip in a salon. I’d come out to her.

2. Ciaran

Down bad crying at the gym, or whatever it is that Taylor Swift sings. Yep. This is how you just do a good promo pic as a lad, I feel. Just a relaxed, smiley nice pose with no cringe in sight. He’s fit but not in a scary way or a corny way. Loving it. Loving him. Don’t let me down, Ciaran!

1. Mimii

You’d be forgiven for thinking Mimii was the host of the show because of how confident and slay this is. Effortless! Just radiating fun and great vibes – coupled with the absolutely wow outfit and hair. A recipe for a win and an easy top place on this Love Island 2024 promo pic ranking. I need to sit with her on a daybed and have a goss right now. It’s stunning.

For all the latest Love Island 2024 cast news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.  

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