I took one for the team and went to the Snobs closing party so you didn’t have to

Rip OG Snobs, you’re dearly missed

8 months ago

Snobs holds a special place in every Brum student’s heart and it recently closed its doors on Smallbrook Queensway during its move to Broad Street. The closing party had been marked in every UoB student’s calendar for the last few weeks, it was sure to be a monumental occasion and as a Snobs lover myself, I just had to be there.

So, having splashed out a whole £11 on my ticket, I started counting down the days until Saturday night. It was set up to be the perfect night; there were rumours of confetti, free VKs and apparently the infamous Snobs faces were going to be thrown out into the crowd. You really know it’s the place to be when even the fifth years are desperately searching for tickets on Fab and Fresh.

So, just in case you didn’t manage to get hold of one yourself, here is your hour-by-hour Snobs closing party debrief.

10pm – Pres pres preeees

Every student knows that the start to any good night out is a lively pres and this one was no different. Equipped with our water bottles full of squashka and brimming with excitement about the night ahead, we made our way to Mason to start off the biggest night of the year.

11pm – The dreaded queue

All the mega-famous actors who also auditioned for each Wicked role

Right, here’s how popstar priest Reverend Richard Coles made his secretly whopping fortune

People have spotted a huge I’m A Celeb editing error proving a bushtucker trial was staged

You might be thinking that this is way too early to be heading to the club… and you’re right. But with warnings by Snobs itself of a large queue from 9pm, we didn’t want to risk not making it into our version of heaven. Yes. The queue was long. But tbh, once you’ve braved the Circo Friday queue, you can really deal with just about anything. And no, of course we didn’t bring a jacket, so it was a very cold wait.

12am – The bottom floor has two bars?

Did you know there are two bars downstairs? No? Me neither. Having been somewhat reliably informed by a random girl on the way that this was just the sports bar and I wasn’t dreaming, I went to try it out. It was alright, but they didn’t sell VKs so I don’t think I will be going back there again. Too late anyway.

1am – Time to start ticking off the bucket list

Earlier that week, Snobs had come up with a bucket list of things you needed to do before the club moved. Some were easy like downing a VK on the middle floor (I do that every weekend anyway). But some, I was still yet to complete. Our hardest mission was kissing one of the iconic Snobs faces. I’ll be honest, I’d never really fancied trying this before but you only live once I guess. It was definitely an experience to say the least, but I won’t go into too many details for your benefit.

2am – A top floor adventure

The top floor. Some love it, some hate it, and sorry to say, but I am definitely the latter. My only visit was back in Freshers’ week when I was a clueless newbie on her first trip to Snobs, and I swore never to go back. The music and overall vibes just aren’t for me, but I thought since this was my last chance to experience it, that maybe I should give it a second chance. It was actually pretty fun and I definitely judged it too quickly.

3am – Back to our roots

After a few songs, we mutually agreed to part ways with the top floor, and venture back to our home. We had a quick pit stop on the classic middle floor to enjoy a bit of Baseline Junkie and Starships because what night out is complete without them. We waited for the confetti but none ever came, and we left the middle floor for the last time feeling betrayed. Luckily, we still had our loyal bottom floor to enjoy the rest of the night on.

4am – To close or not to close

As the clock started to get closer to 4am, we began to mourn as we anticipated the end of not just this night, but Snobs as we knew it. So imagine my surprise when at 3.59am, Love Story was chosen as the last song. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a massive Swiftie, but the last ever song of Snobs bottom floor? Surely not. But then song after song played, and soon enough it was nearing 4.30am so we simply had to find out what was going on. Even the bartenders didn’t know what time they were closing, and so we began to prepare ourselves for the possibility of a Snobs all-nighter.

5am – Ok, it’s actually closing

Luckily, as 5am approached, the sentimental tunes of Angels and Wonderwall played, and we knew that this was it. The light came on, tears were shed and we all took in the scenery for the very last time. We trudged out onto Smallbrook Queensway, full of sadness and realisation that life would never be the same again.

6am – Food and the trek back

The perfect way to end a night out is with food, end of discussion. But, as if we weren’t all sad enough, we then discovered that our usual chip shop was shut – how dare they? Luckily, the locals were able to help us out and make sure that we found a place to satisfy our hunger.

You’re probably thinking at this point that an Uber home is surely the only choice but that would be the easy way out. So even though the sun was now rising, us five delirious freshers wandered back to the Vale. Pure silence as we reflected upon the night.

7am – Bedtime

As we passed the morning runners, feeling like very silly freshers, we decided that we definitely didn’t need to have afters. Having now been awake for 24 hours, I was happy to finally get into my bed and have the sleep of my lifetime.

It was a marathon for sure, and I can honestly say I would do it all over again (and already have at the new Snobs).